Exposed
by nero749
Summary: (This is a sequel to "Weakness.") The Inquisitor has accidentally revealed the best way to get to her, and the forces watching her are certainly willing to take advantage. Trevelyan's attempts to correct her mistake only make the situation more dangerous, and fixing this will force her to face the tensions in her relationship with the commander.
1. Chapter 1

"Inquisitor," Cullen's voice rang out behind her, but Trevelyan didn't slow her pace. "Sorry Commander, I cannot delay right now, I have to leave for Crestwood soon." _Technically true_ , she thought to herself, glancing behind her, but it wasn't her reason for speeding up at the sight of Cullen trying to catch up to her. It had been part of her new routine for a few weeks now, but Cullen was now strutting his way to her at such a high pace, that unless Trevelyan started outright running Cullen would catch up to her. Hoping against hope, Trevelyan kept her eyes on the grand doors and walked as fast as her legs could carry her.

A hand suddenly caught her arm, "Trevelyan."

There had been hardly any physical contact between them since that last night, so the feeling shocked her. Trevelyan turned around, ready to pull her arm free and make up an excuse to escape, but the look on Cullen's face made her pause. He looked so… unsure, maybe even –

"Please, there's something we must discuss," he said.

Somehow she doubted it would be troop movements.

"I am sorry Cullen," she said his name before she could correct herself to say 'Commander.' "I really have to go," she said, _and curse the world_ , she added in thought.

"Right," he said and let go of her arm. "Of course." He took a step back. "I'm sure you have other matters to attend." His voice was hard now, and he swiftly passed her.

 _Great_ , she thought to herself, _I have a wonderful time ahead of me._

Cullen walked off towards his office and Trevelyan waited until she was sure not to run into him as she headed for the corner Dorian usually occupied.

Without warning or greeting Trevelyan let herself fall down into the chair standing there. Dorian hardly looked up from the books he was rearranging. "Spoken to the Commander again, I take it?"

"How did you even guess that?"

"It's become somewhat of a theme with you these past weeks, I fear."

Trevelyan sighed. "I'm sorry, I wish I was better at dealing with this, but…"

Dorian nodded. "I think you might need a new strategy, other than avoiding the poor man."

"Why, this way at least I'll get enough exercise."

"Yes, because that is what we have a desperate lack of, _exercise_." Dorian looked over to Trevelyan.

"What would I even say to him?"

"Oh I don't know? Tell him you care for him?"

"Ah yes, because I am clearly the type for romantic admissions." Trevelyan sighed. "Even if I wanted to – "

"And you do."

" _Even if I wanted to_ ," she started again, glaring at Dorian, "it isn't important right now, we need to convince them – whoever they are – that the rumours were wrong and that I don't… that we don't… well you know."

"I am not certain this would be the way," Dorian said.

"Why not?"

"Because they will suspect you are no longer under the influence of the potion, and they will assume you took it and that that is why there was a brief spark between you two."

"So it's too late? I should just give up?" she stopped herself. "I'm sorry, I just don't know what to do. Josephine has told Leliana but even her people can't discover anything. If only they would attack with an army, but a single assassin? How can I fight that? How can I see that coming?"

"All the more reason to tell Cullen, he didn't become Commander by chance."

"I will… think about it at least," she said, but she had no intention of telling Cullen. Trevelyan sighed. "Why do the recruits have to be so talkative?"

"I fear it isn't just the recruits discussing your budding relationship, the rumour is prevalent throughout the entire Inquisition," Dorian said.

She shook her head. "Of course it is." She looked at Dorian. "How do they even know? I spend much more time with you and there have never been any rumours about us being romantically involved."

"No, because they are far too busy spreading rumours that I influence you with my evil Tevinter charms."

"Ah yes, that would make sense," Trevelyan nodded.

"True, I am very charming."


	2. Chapter 2

This meeting had been as awkward as it had been time after time for the past few weeks. Cullen had soon stopped trying to get Trevelyan to talk about what had happened between them, and it wasn't long before they had stopped talking to each other all together (unless absolutely forced to do so). The few times Trevelyan would look at Cullen, she would catch him looking at her, the expression on his face becoming a little darker each time.

"Cullen, are you all right?" Josephine asked as they were all walking out of the war room together. Leliana immediately flew off, leaving the other three behind.

"What?" Cullen replied.

"I asked if you're all right," Josephine repeated.

"Ah yes, thank you Lady Ambassador," he paused, "I am sorry if I seemed distracted in there, I haven't slept."

"Nightmares again?" Trevelyan asked before she could stop herself, her concern had trumped her awkwardness around the Commander. Her concern was genuine, but now Trevelyan felt awkward because the only reason she knew about the nightmares was because Cullen had confided in her during the last night the potion worked on him.

The look on Cullen's face betrayed his surprise at her speaking to him. "Yes," he said eventually.

"I have some things to attend to," Josephine said as they entered the small hallway that functioned as her office.

"Of course," Cullen said as Josephine walked towards her desk.

Trevelyan felt an awkward tension growing between Cullen and herself from the second Josephine left their side. "Are they getting worse?" Trevelyan asked, partly to fill the silence but mainly because she felt Cullen had truly looked more worn out lately.

"It is to be expected," he said.

"Expected?" she asked.

"I…," he paused, his hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck, "you must have troubles of your own." He changed the subject, Trevelyan felt unhappy because he clearly wasn't mentioning something and she felt that this meant he no longer felt he could confide in her, and she had done this herself. "I'm… fine, I suppose," she eventually answered.

Their eyes met for a moment before they both looked away awkwardly. What had she done, why had she created this horrible, awkward situation between the two of them?

Trevelyan and Cullen walked in silence, through the grand doors, down the stairs, until both stopping in the middle of the courtyard as each on their own realised this was either where they parted or continue to walk without a clear direction.

The silence between them was finally broken by Cullen. "Trevelyan," he looked at her and she looked up as well. "You _can_ talk to me if there is something on your mind."

She wondered if this was a response to her silence at him mentioning her problems, and whether he realised he had just stopped himself from discussing _his_ problems with _her_ , whatever they were.

"Thank you," she said, faintly smiling at him. Cullen looked so tired, he had always pushed himself too hard. "I could make something, to help you sleep," Trevelyan said.

"Oh… thank you," he seemed surprised at the suggestion.

She nodded. "I'll ask one of the messengers to bring it to you when it's done."

"Or," Cullen said, "you could come bring it in person. I… would like to speak to you in private."

His voice was soft and low and she just wanted give in. "I… maybe," she said before she could help herself, it was not a yes, but it wasn't a no either. The faintest smile appeared on his face.

"How bad are they?" she asked, mainly to have something to ask.

Cullen frowned, "I can suffer them."

"Comma… _Cullen_ , I wasn't suggesting that I thought… I just want to know if you're getting any kind of sleep."

Cullen chuckled softly. "I have never been known as a sound sleeper."

Trevelyan smiled. "I didn't notice anything odd," she said. Her face flushed red as she mentally flogged herself for slipping back into the old, familiar, almost flirtatious, rapport with him. She'd spoken before thinking.

Again Cullen looked so surprised to see her behaving towards him as she once had. "I didn't have any nightmares when – " he stopped himself and for a moment Trevelyan wondered if he too had said more than he wanted to. "…under the influence of that potion," Cullen said eventually, "not even the last night it worked."

And that was her cue to go, if there was one thing Trevelyan couldn't discuss any more, it was that night. That conversation was best avoided .

"I'll have the potion to you tonight," she suddenly said, walking backwards back to the hall. Trevelyan didn't think about how it would look if she went back to where they had just come from, she just needed to leave him.

"Trevelyan?" Cullen frowned at her.

"Tonight!" she blurted out, hoping to drown out whatever he planned to say next. She was already turning around when she added: "So you will at least have a good night's rest for once." She briskly walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

Trevelyan spent the afternoon making last minute plans to leave Skyhold and preparing the potion. It was practically the middle of the night by the time the party was leaving, but Trevelyan could still see a dim light coming from Cullen's office as she handed the messenger the potion and a small note reading, "Please take care of yourself, the Inquisition can survive without your presence for a few hours. At least 8." As the party set out, and was crossing the bridge, a small figure appeared on top of the battlements.

"It would be a lot kinder on our feet, to simply _talk_ to the Commander," Dorian said. He was walking next to Trevelyan. After Trevelyan's clear refusal to respond to the remark, Dorian continued anyway, "I am assuming he is the reason for this sudden excursion, yes?" Trevelyan still didn't speak. Dorian sighed. "Just talk to him, for the sake of both our sanities."

"Playing matchmaker are we?" Trevelyan asked, it was unfair of her because she knew Dorian wasn't trying to get them together.

"I am not suggesting you marry the man," Dorian said, sounding slightly frustrated. "I simply feel going up to his office to tell him what the danger is, rather than whatever you think you are accomplishing now."

"It isn't that simple."

"You keep saying that, but I really feel it is." Dorian narrowed his eyes. Trevelyan responded by narrowing her eyes as well. "I'll think about it," she eventually said.

"I have heard that before," Dorian said.

"I will," Trevelyan assured him.

Sometimes Trevelyan wondered if her title was just a rouse to keep her content because honestly some of the missions they sent her on (well some of the ones she agreed to do) seemed so insignificant it made her worry she was risking defeat by focussing her attention on trivial matters. This quest had been one of those trivial matters, which is why the letter arriving from Skyhold surprised her so much. What surprised her even more was the fact that it was signed by Cullen.

"The scouts informed us of your situation, reinforcements will be sent as soon as we can mobilize them." _Shouldn't Leliana… And what does he think they know?_ It was a very brief, very formal note. Except for one line at the bottom. "Please take care of yourself." They were Trevelyan's words repeated back at her. It was this last line that she didn't read out loud when discussing the message with Dorian.

Dorian looked sleepy, but he had still been awake when she had barged into the tent he shared with Varric (unlike the dwarf who had managed to sleep through several pushy attempts to wake him). "I don't understand," Trevelyan said, "something is wrong. We don't need reinforcements."

"Oh I don't know, I would welcome anything to distract us from the tediously boring task at hand," Dorian replied. "Who would have thought saving Thedas would require so much herb gathering."

"Dorian," Trevelyan tried to get him to focus, but she was smiling nonetheless. "I can't believe this is an accident, clearly they've gotten word from some source, but the way he phrases it – "

"He?" Dorian raised an eyebrow. "I half thought the message must have been from our spymaster."

"Err… guess she isn't always the first to know of pending ambushes, or whatever they think we are experiences right now." Trevelyan looked away awkwardly, hoping Dorian wouldn't ask to see the note. "At any rate, the message – "

"Yes, it does sound like he believes there is some form of impending doom looming over us," Dorian said, "not that that would be a _new_ experience for us, still…"

"I've already sent word back, telling them we're not in any danger, but I can't be sure it will reach them in time; Leliana's birds are quick but are they that quick?"

"Well this seems like a good time to test that theory," Dorian looked around the camp, "unless of course it turns out we are in fact in danger and it is us, not them, who are misinformed."

After returning to her tent, Trevelyan was understandably restless, rolling around; the bedroll seemed the most uncomfortable thing in the world right now. _What good would dragging a few men away from Skyhold do?_ If this wasn't a mistake (and the chances of it being a mere mistake seemed infinitely small to her) someone had created the illusion of a need for reinforcements, but even with those men missing, Skyhold was a fortress. What point could there be? Even the threat to Cullen's life didn't seem to come into play, after all, a single assassin did not need troops to be moved. As the weeks had passed, Trevelyan had relaxed a little, as it seemed that 'they' did not find a way into Skyhold, but this… sure the Inquisition had more than one enemy but the idea of this all being a coincidence was a little absurd.

She had almost managed to doze off to sleep when she heard a familiar voice echoing through the camp. For a moment she lay there thinking she was just imaging the voice, _hoping_ to hear the voice, but as others started responding to it, this seemed unlikely.

"Where is the Inquisitor?" she heard the voice demand. Then nothing. Nothing until she heard footsteps just outside her tent. The tent shook as someone frantically tried to open the tent and eventually pushed their head through the flaps to look inside. "Trevelyan!" Cullen said, he sounded relieved.

"Cullen?" she asked surprised, despite recognizing his voice earlier; pulling the covers with her, she sat up. Behind Cullen's head Trevelyan could see a scout looking confused, when their eyes met the scout quickly disappeared from sight. "Are you all right?" Cullen asked as he slipped into the tent. Seemingly without thinking he gently put his hand on her leg.

"Of course I am," she said, the letter informing him of this very fact had not reached him it seemed. Which wasn't surprising as he had gotten to the camp only hours after the message went out. "I don't know what kind of reports you've been getting, but there's nothing dangerous about harvesting herbs." Trevelyan tried to smile, but Cullen's eyes burned into hers as if he thought she was hiding some kind of trouble from him. "Cullen, there's been no danger here."

"But…" he seemed to be thinking back to the reports that had brought him to the camp. Cullen eased himself into a sitting position. "Who would want to get troops out of Skyhold," he said, understanding what must have happened. He seemed to be talking more for his own benefit than Trevelyan's. "There would be no advantage to that, if Corypheus planned to try and take the fortress…."

"Why are you here?" Trevelyan blurted out.

"I received – "

"No," Trevelyan stopped him, "why are _you_ here? Why are you not at Skyhold?" She suddenly felt angry with him. Cullen was the commander of the Inquisition, he couldn't just risk himself like this, but she was really angry because it had now dawned on her how vulnerable he was, outside of Skyhold.

Cullen moved, feeling uneasy. "We had to make sure the Inquisitor was alright, if we lose you we lose the – "

"Then where are the troops?"

"I… I went ahead," Cullen admitted.

Trevelyan shook her head. "This isn't like you." She felt a strange sort of fear, fear for the hours he'd been completely open to attack while riding here, and fear for what might still happen.

Cullen sighed. "The report…," he paused and sighed again, "it claimed you were trapped, cornered, that there were Venatori trying to…," Cullen paused again, "it sounded much darker in the report," he added apologetically. "It made it seem, well, that they were after the mark and that it could possibly… cost you your life."

"Corypheus already tried that."

"Because he is incapable of it does not mean others will not try," Cullen said sternly.

"I end up in danger every other day that doesn't mean I want the Commander to personally come to my aid." _Cullen was more strategic-minded than this. Why come here alone?_ Trevelyan felt her fears grow. _They couldn't have known he'd come here himself, this can't have been to get him out of Skyhold,_ Trevelyan thought to herself, mainly to calm herself, but she couldn't deny the similarities that worried her. She felt they were being played out against each other.

"You should not have come here alone," Trevelyan blurted out, feeling her anger rise again. He'd risked himself coming here. "You shouldn't have come at all, you should be in Skyhold!" She almost yelled at him this time. It wasn't reasonable, because having Cullen assassinated in Skyhold couldn't be that more difficult than doing it outside of the fortress, but she felt overwhelmed by her fear.

"I felt I needed to handle this myself," Cullen looked piqued, "well, ride out in front of the reinforcements, because I could reach you – the camp that is – much faster."

"Well you did, you almost outran Leliana's bird," Trevelyan said. "Your warning had already arrived, there was no need for you to risk yourself – " Trevelyan stopped herself. "There was no need for you to leave Skyhold when I'm sure there are many things there that require your attention."

"I thought Skyhold could survive without me for a few hours?" Cullen sounded angry as well now.

"That's not what I meant and you know it." She shook her head.

Cullen looked more confused than angry by now. " _Risk myself?_ " Cullen frowned.

"Yes, _risk yourself_ , didn't you think it was dangerous to leave Skyhold alone, in the middle of the night? Maker knows how many ambushes you might have narrowly escaped without realising it."

"It seems unlikely anyone would have found me, or wanted to find me."

"Why? You don't think the Commander of the Inquisition's forces is a target?" Trevelyan tried to steady her voice.

"A target? For what, an assassination?"

"Maybe, or just one of the many enemies we have chasing us?"

"And what would they achieve by targeting me?"

Trevelyan shook her head. "What would they achieve taking out someone vital to the Inquisition? You think your death wouldn't affect me? Or hurt the Inquisition?"

Cullen looked surprised by the sudden fire in Trevelyan's voice. She hadn't been very successful in trying to keep her calm, it was just that weeks of fear now seem to come to a head, despite the extremes she'd gone to, to diffuse the situation. Trevelyan had all but destroyed her relationship with Cullen until it was barely even a professional one, and still she'd ended up here, so close – or so it felt to her – to losing him. Trevelyan shook her head again, mainly at her own behaviour. How she wished she was the capable leader people believed her to be, rather than just someone afraid to lose. She wanted to drag Cullen out of the tent and personally deliver him back to Skyhold, but that seemed an unnecessary risk as well, dragging her party out of their warm beds and then travelling by night.

"Cullen," Trevelyan's voice was much softer now, "I just don't want you believing that risking you, the commander of our forces, for _me,_ is something I would want you to do."

"I didn't think you would _want_ me to come for you, I thought I needed to."

They looked at each other in silence. Despite herself, Cullen's words made a small smile spread across Trevelyan's face. Cullen smiled back at her and he move forward a little, his hand reached out as if to touch her cheek, but he thought better of it and placed his hand on her arm instead. "Are you sure you're all right?"

Trevelyan covered Cullen's hand with her own. "Cullen, I was never in any danger."

"I believe you," he answered, "but you seem… troubled."

"Well harvesting herbs for days on end does that to me."

Cullen chuckled a little. His hand moved down a little and he squeezed her hand.

"I think we should tell the others what happened," Trevelyan said, this was a good idea of course, but she had said it to distract from the situation between them, but she didn't free her hand. Trevelyan looked at their hands. "I think they should know."

"Oh!" Cullen said startled, "I didn't think you wanted to – "

" _Tonight_ , what happened _tonight_ ," Trevelyan quickly corrected him.

"Ah, of course!" Cullen let go of her hand, moved back and clumsily climbed out of the tent. Trevelyan followed him.


	4. Chapter 4

Informing the others had been a painful affair, not helped in the least by Dorian's constant smirking at the sight of the Commander. Eventually everyone not left on duty retired to their tents. A young soldier timidly offered the commander a bedroll but she didn't say where he expected him to sleep. The soldier kept glancing at the Trevelyan, she felt uncomfortable, wondering what the soldier must be thinking. Cullen and Trevelyan remained standing next to the fire. Trevelyan felt nervous because she had just realised why the soldier hadn't told Cullen where he could sleep.

"You can stay in my tent if you would like to get some sleep," Trevelyan said eventually.

"In your… What?" Cullen looked flustered.

"I wasn't suggesting… I just know that there isn't any room anywhere else. I am the only person who has a private tent – Maker knows I tried to tell them I didn't need one – that means my tent is the only one that has any space left."

"Oh. Thank you," Cullen said. "I would like to get some sleep before traveling back to meet the men and send them back to Skyhold."

Trevelyan nodded. "All right then," she said, feeling awkward. "I'll just go first I suppose," she quickly got into the tent, she decided to keep some clothes on while sleeping, more than she would usually. She was lying down, covered from her toes to her chin when Cullen entered the tent, presumably he had waited this long to give her a chance to get undressed without his presence. He nodded at her and moved to the other side of the tent, he was carrying a bedroll under one arm. Once it was spread out Cullen sat down and started to take off his armour. The speed with which he could do this amazed Trevelyan, so much that she forgot that staring at him while he got undressed might be rude. Eventually Cullen got down to his shirt, which he took off, he fumbled with his trousers before looking back at Trevelyan, rethinking it and getting into bed with them still on.

Cullen turned so he could face Trevelyan. "Tomorrow we should try to find out what happened here, what the plan was. I will concentrate our efforts in Skyhold and you – "

"Do you ever sleep?" she jokingly asked him.

"We cannot effort – "

"Don't worry, I want to know as much as you do," Trevelyan reassured him.

"I'm sorry," Cullen said, "I suspect I could try and delegate _some_ things."

"Probably, but I do like your passion for the Inquisition," Trevelyan said. She looked at him, he meanwhile was studying his left hand as if it held great interest for him. She felt the need to say something. "I feel we owe more to you than is recognised by most, especially by you yourself."

Cullen looked up. "Err… thank you, still without you – "

"Cullen, please, just take the compliment."

Cullen smiled at her, "all right then."

They looked at each other in silence.

"It is strange to have you in camp," Trevelyan said.

Cullen chuckled. "Yes, well… despite the company, I cannot say I regret not spending more nights in tents, I was relieved to have a bed in Skyhold, as was my back."

"You mean to say you slept in a _tent_ in Haven?" Trevelyan asked surprised.

"Beds were very limited, I stayed with the recruits," Cullen answered.

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me."

"No?"

"No, you inspire great loyalty among the men, I doubt you would if you were not loyal to them in return."

Cullen smiled again. "You inspire loyalty as well, you realise that, right?"

"Only because they think I'm the "Herald of Andraste." It is the Andraste part that inspires them, I'm just a vessel for that to them."

"I feel it's more that they believe that the Maker sent you to us."

"Ah, that is so much more comforting."

"You do not believe the Maker sent you to us?"

"'Us'? The Inquisition? No, I mean… I don't know… if I necessarily believe in predestination."

"But you were exactly what we needed."

Trevelyan shook her head. "That's what Cassandra keeps telling me, I don't think anyone realises how much I need you – the advisors I mean – and Cassandra, or everything will fall apart.""

"Maybe, but that doesn't make you any less of a leader."

"I prefer to think we lead together, calling me the Herald places unjust weight on me."  
"And that scares you?"

"Of course it does!" She propped herself up on one elbow. "And not just because that kind of pressure is terrifying, but also… also because if you place that much value on me, what happens if I fail, or get killed? What will happen to the Inquisition, to Thedas? I fear that people would lose all hope if the 'Herald' is killed rather than just another member of the Inquisition."

"Hence the effort we put into keeping you alive," Cullen said.

Trevelyan laughed a little, but Cullen's remark helped remind her of memories she'd tried to bury. "Cullen," she said, serious again, "I do not want you to come after me again, even if I really am captured." She sat upright. "Please listen," she said, waving away his protest. "If I die, the Inquisition needs a new leader, I don't know if that would be you, but I do know that you will have to take the position until you find one; you are the commander of our forces, the soldiers would look to you. And so you cannot risk yourself."

Cullen was sitting upright by now as well. "I wouldn't have come if I believed the risk too high."

"You would have," Trevelyan said with absolute certainty.

"I am not reckless," Cullen said tersely.

"You can be."

Cullen shook his head. "When have I given you reason to – "

"Redcliffe," Trevelyan blurted out.

"Redcliffe?" Cullen looked puzzled. "I have never been to Redcliffe with you, or the Inquisition."

Trevelyan looked at him and wondered whether she should just stop this conversation here, but if she wanted to convince him, she needed to be honest. "Not yet, and probably won't, not anymore." Cullen still looked puzzled, not surprising as even Trevelyan herself didn't feel like she was explaining this very well. She shifted, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. "It was in the future I saw in Redcliffe."

"You saw… _me_? That was not included in the report I read," Cullen said in a tone of voice that almost made Trevelyan think he was about to lecture her poor reporting.

"The report wasn't exactly complete," Trevelyan admitted. "When I wrote it, I asked Dorian to keep certain things to himself so I wouldn't have to include them. I didn't see the point. Why tell all of you how I saw you in this future, I was going to stop it from happening and I was afraid it would be too much. Too much darkness."

"And part of what you left out was about me?" Cullen moved a little closer, clearly very interested to hear the whole story.

"Yes. Not just you, but you were there as well. I left out everything that wasn't vital to either stopping the future or explaining how Dorian and I escaped." Trevelyan looked down at her marked hand. "Maybe I just didn't want to think about what happened because I failed."

"Did you… did you _see_ me there?"

"I didn't think there was much point. Why keep retelling the same thing? I'd already explained how the red lyrium seemed to grow out of people. How I saw with Fiona! Why tell it again?" Trevelyan was rattling, but Cullen understood. "Oh," he said.

"I'm sorry," Trevelyan said.

Cullen shook his head, "It never happened remember. It probably won't," he said. After a short pause he added: "Tell me… everything."

"Why?"

Cullen looked up, he seemed upset, slightly angry even. "You should have told me. I need to know."

"Fine," Trevelyan said, though she wasn't sure of his motives.

"In the report I wrote that we only found Sera, Vivienne and Iron Bull, in the cells, and Leliana eventually, in the torture chambers. Of course we also saw Fiona, but… well, we saw more people than just them." Trevelyan glanced up at Cullen. "You all assumed I had only found the people who were in the throne room with me when he cast the spell, but I saw the others as well, they were all dead already, left in their cells. It was… I didn't want to have to recount it, it didn't tell us anything we could use to stop it from happening. But you… you weren't dead, you were still alive, just… not in a way we could help you or bring you with us."

"Because of the red lyrium?"

"Yes," Trevelyan shifted. "We had just left Fiona behind, we were trying to find out what had happened, Fiona knew you and Leliana were in the castle. The whole castle was bathed in red light, there was so much lyrium growing from the walls, it seemed, but after seeing Fiona… the lyrium was growing from her, or through her at least, I feared we'd find others like her. Most of the people we found were already dead but in one part of the dungeons we found you.

"I heard someone say my name, as I passed one of the cells. I hadn't spotted you in there because there was so much red lyrium you were almost invisible behind it. I rushed to the cell and asked Sera to pick the lock. At this point I believed we could take you with us, that maybe you could even help us fight, but when I entered the cell… when I was finally standing face to face with you, I could see the Lyrium was growing from your back, the same way it had grown from Fiona's body. You were still conscious, but you looked exhausted," Trevelyan paused, "I'm sorry, that's a strange way to put it, but it's the best way to describe it, it looked like you were fighting to stay conscious.

""Where have you been?" you asked. I explained the situation and you immediately accepted it. "Can you go back? Can you still fix this?" you asked.

""I hope so, we'll try, if it's even remotely possible I will fix this."

""That's good… Trevelyan, I am sorry I couldn't fulfil my duty. I am sorry I let the Inquisition fail."

""You didn't fail, you fought."

""You don't know that."

""Of course I do! You would always fight." I said, I wanted to comfort you… help you, but I couldn't see how." Trevelyan paused. "I _failed you_. I let you stay in that cell, I let you end up in that cell. If I hadn't been so reckless to walk into Alexius' trap…"

Cullen leant forward and took her hand, he gave it a little squeeze. Trevelyan weakly smiled at him. "I asked you what had happened and… and this is where I really failed you all, because you told me," Trevelyan took a deep breath, "you told me that Haven was destroyed, that after I disappeared you had taken a large portion of the men to free me from the castle, but while you were away from Haven, Corypheus attacked and burned it to the ground." Trevelyan's eyes filled with tears. "Don't you understand Cullen? I could've prevented it, I knew it was going to happen, but I didn't even include it in the report and then… then it happened again! Because I didn't stop it despite knowing what was going to take place." She had started crying by now, this confession was something she'd kept close to her heart, she had never discussed it not even with Dorian even though he had been there with her in Redcliffe. "Trevelyan," Cullen said softly and he moved closer so he could wrap his arms around her. She let herself relax against his chest. "I believed I had already stopped it. I thought if you would never leave Haven with those men to free me, Haven would never be left vulnerable and – " she shook with silent sobs. "It all seems so stupid now, I should've known he had enough power to attack even with the soldiers still there."

Cullen was stroking her hair. "If you didn't believe Haven's destruction was my fault in that future you saw, you can't believe it was your fault in this timeline." He kissed the top of her head. Trevelyan moved in his arms so she could look up at his face. "That's pretty sly of you, Commander, I can't blame myself without blaming you?" Cullen smirked at her. "I thought it was pretty clever of me."

Trevelyan freed herself from his arms, because she felt embarrassed at letting herself cry like that in front of him. Cullen let her go and sat up a little straighter. "Was there anything else I said or…?"

Trevelyan took a deep breath. "You said you and Leliana were captured at the same time, you didn't know whether she was still alive or not. Apparently they tried to deny you lyrium, in an attempt to break you, but you said it hadn't work."

"No, it wouldn't," Cullen said.

"And then they… they started to force you to take red lyrium."

"Ah – "

"And that was when they put you in that cell and just left you there. Cullen, you'd been in there for almost the entire year. After that I had to leave you behind. "Is there anything I can do, before we leave?" I asked you. "I don't think we could take you with us, but – "

""You have to fix this, fix what happened, this isn't the right."

""I'll try… I will. I am so sorry Cullen, I… I'll see you when I've fixed all this."

""Trevelyan, I – Ah… it doesn't matter now."

"And that's the last thing you said to me, after that we left you."

Cullen nodded. "I can see why you would leave this out."

"And can you also see why I don't want you, or anyone at the Inquisition risking everything to get me back? What happened, because of an attempt to save me – and I wasn't even the leader then – "

"Maybe not officially, but many were already looking to you for leadership."

"But you understand, don't you?"

"Yes, I do, but I…" Cullen took a deep breath. "I don't think I – " He reached out to touch her cheek. "I want… I – " he leaned in and for the briefest of moments their lips touched. Trevelyan covered Cullen's hand with her own. "Cullen, please," she said. He looked hurt, or almost angry really, but he listen and leaned away from her, he slowly moved back to his bedroll. Trevelyan lay back down on her bed roll, and Cullen laid back on his own. The last thing they should be doing was kissing here, the idea was to make Cullen less vulnerable to attack not more, to try and downplay the rumours not reinforce them. She'd tell him the truth, she had to after this, but only at Skyhold, and only when he wasn't angry with her anymore, if that ever happened. After all this he had to be furious with her.

It was quiet for a long time and Trevelyan felt herself slowly drift to the peaceful stillness of her dreams. Then from the dark a soft voice spoke, "why did you leave that morning, before we could speak."

Trevelyan felt her heart speed up. She hadn't even thought he had wanted anything that morning, except for her to leave. Once he felt like he was himself again he'd seemed so distance. "Why didn't you say anything," she replied. Cullen had only repeatedly said sorry, but not said or done anything to stop her. But if he hadn't wanted her to leave that morning, that meant he had still felt everything, even without the potion, she knew this before but had not wanted to fully acknowledge what that meant, somehow this seemed a confession to her. Nevertheless, neither of them spoke again, neither of them knew how to say what needed to be said.


	5. Chapter 5

Layla had wandered off a little. She was still fairly close to camp, but far enough to feel she had some privacy, privacy was somewhat of a rarity for soldiers of the Inquisition, so she tried to enjoy it whenever she had the chance.

Layla had joined the Inquisition pretty early on. She originally came from a small village that was destroyed during the fifth blight. It had finally started to really recover when the breach happened and a dozen rifts suddenly appeared in and around the village, demons pouring out every day. Layla had just started Templar training when that happened, but she returned (alongside a couple of other recruits from the village) as soon as she heard what was going on. While none of them lost family members, everyone lost someone they knew and the blow hit them all hard. After the village had been evacuated, none of the former Templar recruits dared to return to their former duties, afraid to be disciplined for their actions. It was around this time that Layla heard some former Templars were now joining the Inquisition and Layla and Jona, one of the other former Templar recruits, decided to do the same.

Life in the Inquisition had been hard but Layla preferred it to her life as a Templar recruit. Jona had been her closest friend, which wasn't surprising considering everything they'd already experienced together, so when he died during the Inquisition's second attempt to close the breach, Layla felt lost for a while. The return of the Herald after her supposed death in Haven, seeing her being carried into the camp by Commander Cullen, unconscious but still alive after facing Corypheus and his archdemon alone, it had been this sight that had lit the fire inside Layla again. It wasn't the hope of revenge for her village or Jona or the other people she'd known who were now gone, it was the _hope_ that the Inquisition might actually be strong enough to fix the world.

Since that day Layla had seen the Inquisitor up close quite often, but they'd never actually met, she would only see Inquisitor Trevelyan running through camp, crashing in a tent, and disappearing without really speaking to anyone accept maybe the requisitions officer. This time had been no different, except for the part where the commander himself had shown up at the camp.

It was no big secret among the recruits that the commander and the inquisitor had become quite intimate at one point, lately they seemed more distant but Layla thought they were just trying to be more discreet. All the more reason it was so strange seeing the commander burst into camp, jump off an exhausted looking horse, and demanding to know where the Inquisitor was as if they were trying to hide her from him. Whatever the situation was, he had soon calmed down and was now in the Inquisitor's tent, something the soldiers at camp wouldn't stop talking about. Layla thought it was quite romantic, the commander and the Inquisitor ending up together. Behind her she could hear the sounds of the camp, she wondered what was happening there right now, she felt herself blush at her own thoughts. Idly she wondered whether Jona would be here with her if he had still been alive.

Layla was thinking about Jona and how much she liked that he had always reminded her of their village before the breach, when one of the shadows behind her began to move on its own. An assassin suddenly dropped out of stealth, seconds before killing her.

Cullen woke up, he was certain he had been shouting in his sleep but when he looked at Trevelyan lying next to him, she hadn't woken up. He took a deep breath and actively tried to calm himself, something that worked but only to a certain extent. There was this strange pressure on his chest and his whole body felt on fire almost, he would normally go for a short walk when he woke up feeling like this, but he didn't want to risk waking Trevelyan up. He looked over at her again, she was lying on her side, her face turned to him but her red hair covered most of it. _Maker, she's beautiful._

But what did she think of him? Cullen thought back to the time they'd spent when he had been under the influence of that potion. It was true that the potion made him act more… well _more_ , but the feelings were genuine, they were still as intense the morning he woke up with her in his arms. How happy he had felt for a few moments before realising it was all over. Whatever she had done, or said, she had said it to a version of him he could never be, and if that was the Cullen she wanted, he didn't know how to give it to her. He wasn't as assertive or open about how he felt, and he couldn't imagine being like that again.

Now he had to work with this woman he couldn't scrub from his mind, who he could picture in his bed in exquisite detail. _Maker have mercy._ How was he supposed to do this? Every time they had even the slightest intimate moment between them he ended up doing something that made her even more distant. Admittedly he did not have a lot of experience in this area, so maybe he was doing everything wrong. _She's the Inquisitor, maybe it is for the best that she doesn't feel the same way._ But didn't she? Lately he couldn't help but wonder, and part of him felt she might actually… just this night, when they shared the briefest kiss, the way she'd said 'Cullen, please,' it almost sounded like… Cullen shook his head. Speculation was pointless.

Cullen propped himself up on his elbow. Trevelyan was still lying facing him. The bedrolls were close enough to each other that Cullen could easily lean forward and reach out his hand – and so he did – to brush the hair out of Trevelyan's face. She made the softest sound and for a second Cullen worried she had been awake all along, but nothing else happened. Cullen felt relieved.

Thinking back to the last night they'd slept together in the same room, he felt he really should've asked her to stay that next morning. Been more assertive, wasn't that what she had liked about him, while he was under the influence?

A distorted shadow crossed the tent and there was something about it that made Cullen reach for his sword and the shield he had taken into the tent. Cullen got to his knees – the tent being too low to stand in – and he propped the shield up in front of him, his sword ready in his hand. Everything was quiet for just long enough to make Cullen feel like he was being overly cautious (but how could he not be, considering the strange event that had brought him her to this tent), but the second he was about to put his weapons away, the flap of the tent opened. It looked like it opened on its own, but a slight distortion of the air gave the assassin away. Immediately Cullen thrust his sword forward, he heard a sharp shriek and the assassin dropped out of stealth, his hand covering his side where Cullen had hit him. Cullen tried for a second hit, but the assassin knew better now and he quickly moved out of the way. Cullen glanced at Trevelyan, the assassin must have spotted her as well… so why was he attacking him and ignoring her? The assassin pulled out two double daggers and Cullen realised he had to get Trevelyan's help.

"Trevelyan!" Cullen's voice filled the entire tent. Trevelyan blinked, all she could see was dark shapes struggling, then a flash of metal. They were under attack. That realisation made her sleep dissipate immediately. Thankfully Cullen had taken his sword and shield into the tent and so he was not helpless fighting with a dark figure. It looked almost comical seeing the commander on his knees, his giant shield in front of him, his sword awkwardly swinging through the cramped space. Small tears in the tent showed he had been swung the sword before. Trevelyan hadn't taken her staff into her tent, she never did. Trevelyan didn't _need_ a staff to practice magic, but Trevelyan had been one of the youngest mages to ever pass the Harrowing and since then she had almost never practiced magic without a staff. The dark figure managed to knock Cullen on his back and Trevelyan saw how he jumped on Cullen, pinning him under his own shield, quickly raising twin blades. Hoping more than believing she could, Trevelyan tried to cast a barrier, it must have worked because the twin blades came down – strangely enough not somewhere they would've been legal – and Cullen didn't let out a sound. The would-be assassin looked surprised and Cullen took advantage of this surprise to get his knees under the shield and push it, and the assassin, off his body. The assassin stumbled back, lost his balance and crashed into the side of the tent, causing the whole thing to collapse on the three of them. Trevelyan could hear blades shredding the cloth of the tent but wasn't sure who was doing what. Suddenly she felt a hand clasp around her ankle, move up her leg, grabbing her arm next, and just as she was about to defend herself she realised the hand was looking for her own hand… Trevelyan took Cullen's hand and he pulled her towards him. She heard cloth being shredded again and Cullen pulled both of them out of the tent. The heap of cloth was wildly moving as the assassin was still trapped in it. Blackwall came rushing towards the scene and attacked the collapsed tent until it was left a motionless red mess.

Trevelyan looked around her frantically, she could see so many bodies, all with cut throats. To her great relief she saw Dorian and Varric coming towards her. "Are you all right?" Dorian asked, Trevelyan nodded. "Cullen fought him off. And you?" she asked, gesturing not only to Dorian but the others as well. "Glad you were here, Curly," Varric said. "Assassins," Blackwall said, Trevelyan wasn't sure if he was telling her or venting his frustration. "There's no honour in killing men from the shadows."

"Trevelyan, are you all right?" Cullen grabbed both her arms. She had just answered this question but he was staring at her so intently she said, "I'm fine Cullen, don't worry."

The camp was quiet, there were bodies between all the tents, all this had happened without her even waking up.

"I think we should return to Skyhold," Trevelyan said. She had said it because she felt at least some of them would want to go after the assassins and their employees right now, and that did not seem like a good idea. Everyone spread out, hoping against hope to find survivors. Trevelyan turned to do the same, but Cullen grabbed her arm and turned her to face him. "You're not leaving my side."

"You're assuming they were after me."

"Of course, who else could they be after?" Cullen's eyes were locked on hers.

"If they had just wanted to kill me they could've done that in my sleep, I suspect they wanted something else."

Cullen shook his head, "I will not allow it."

Trevelyan felt touched but she couldn't stop herself from saying: "If they had wanted to kill me, you couldn't have stopped them, if they – "

"Please don't." Cullen was still holding on to her arms.

"Cullen, I wasn't trying to…" she paused, wondering how to say this, "this is what I meant when I said I'm afraid there is too much importance placed on me and what would happen if I got killed."

"You're not getting killed."

"I might, and I don't want the Inquisition to suffer for it."

Cullen let go of her arms, "of course it would suffer because of it!" he sounded frustrated. "Whether or not you want to accept the role, you are what drives the Inquisition now, it could not exist without you." Cullen shook his head. "You did not have to see the faces of the soldiers when we believed you lost at Haven, if you had not returned…" he almost laughed. "There would be no Inquisition if you had not returned, 'don't want the Inquisition to suffer for it,' _of course_ it would suffer for it." Cullen met her eyes, his hands were on her arms again. " _I would suffer for it._ "

For a moment Trevelyan felt trapped in the intensity of the moment. "Well, they're gone now," she shrugged, hoping to break the tension. "So you can let go of me now."

"Never," Cullen said and his hands quickly pulled her body against his and he kissed her. For a moment she kissed him back, his arms let go of her arms and now wrapped around her waist, Trevelyan's hands reached out and cupped his face.

It wasn't until Trevelyan heard Varric very loudly exclaim something in approval that she thought about what she was doing. Slightly embarrassed (not only because of the public nature of the kiss, but also because she had been so swept up into it), Trevelyan broke the kiss off and took a step back. She could feel Cullen's eyes on her but she didn't meet his gaze. Instead she turned around and quickly moved away from him, without even saying anything. She had just had this conversation with herself, about how she shouldn't do anything to draw more attention to him, at the very least not until he knew the truth, and she couldn't talk to him until they got to Skyhold. Varric looked confused as he saw Trevelyan quickly move away from Cullen, she could see the look on his face and could only imagine what the look on Cullen's face was, but she was determined to avoid him until they returned to Skyhold and she had figured out how to explain everything, and how to explain her own behaviour.

They left within the hour, the entire journey Trevelyan made sure she was never alone with Cullen, hoping he would not bring up the kiss. It was easier to avoid talking to him once they met their men and the group traveling back to Skyhold suddenly became much larger. Perhaps it was time to tell him the truth. She feared she kept breaking his heart. Trevelyan just needed to figure out _how_ to tell him.

As the group slowly made their way back to Skyhold, Trevelyan kept sneaking glances at the commander's back. Cullen was riding in front of her, next to Varric. Trevelyan herself was riding next to Blackwall.

"So the rumours were true?" Blackwall asked, he been silent for the duration, until now.

"Rumours?"

"About you and Cullen," Blackwall gestured to the man riding in front of them, just in case Trevelyan was thinking of another Cullen. Despite their group now being quite large, Cullen was always riding close to her, perhaps hoping to talk to her in private. Right now Cullen was listening to Varric who was telling him a story. The commander was just far enough away to assume he couldn't hear them.

"They're not, it was just a kiss."

"Ah, just a kiss?" Blackwall seemed unconvinced.

Trevelyan sighed. "We shouldn't… I don't… I'm the Inquisitor." This wasn't her real reason of course, but it was the ultimate excuse.

"Why not? You are a woman as well as the Inquisitor."

"Ah – Yes." Blackwall was ignoring the ultimate excuse and Trevelyan didn't have any others. She looked at Cullen's back again.

After a long silence Blackwall spoke again. "He seems like a good man," Blackwall said, as if he thought Trevelyan wanted her inner circle's approval before starting a relationship.

"Yes he is," she answered. But wouldn't it all be easier if he wasn't.


	6. Chapter 6

"Inquisitor, a word please," Cullen said, his voice tense. He opened the door to his office and waited until Trevelyan entered the room. Trevelyan considered whether this was an improvement on the weird awkwardness and avoidance that had been going on between them these past days… since the kiss. That had been her doing of course. After the kiss Trevelyan had avoided being alone with Cullen to stop any conversation from becoming too personal, as she was still figuring out how to talk to him about everything that happened and could happen. Cullen, understandably, had not taken well to once again being ignored by Trevelyan.

"What is it Commander?" Trevelyan tried to sound casual.

"When did Cassandra tell you?" Cullen demanded.

"Tell me what?" Trevelyan replied, feeling flabbergasted by both his demeanour and the accusation.

Cullen made a strange glottal sound; in frustration, he threw his hands in the air. In no way did he resemble his normal composed self. "I might not have noticed, if I wasn't already on my guard because of the men Cassandra keeps sending to keep an eye on me," he was pacing through the room now, "but I would never have expected _you_ to treat me in the same demeaning manner. I thought you would… _trust_ me"

"Trust you? I do trust you, but I have no idea what – "

"Oh give it up will you, I don't know how long this has been going on, but I spotted them. _Leliana's_ men; you asked her to have her people look in on me," he almost growled at Trevelyan. She felt her heart sink, he was right, she had asked Leliana for help, and now she felt ashamed because it must seem like she didn't trust him after all. But what did Cassandra have to do with it? When Trevelyan didn't speak, Cullen added, "she's already given you up."

"That sounds very unlike her," Trevelyan answered.

"So you do not deny it?"

Trevelyan sighed, and then just shrugged. "Fine, I don't deny it."

"As I thought!"

It was the sound of triumph in his voice that gave Cullen away. "You didn't even speak to Leliana, did you?"

"No, it was already clear to me who had to be responsible, so I ask you again, when did Cassandra tell you?" Trevelyan wasn't surprised that he had confronted her before confronting Leliana, but what did he think Cassandra's role in all of this was?

"Tell me _what_?" Trevelyan asked, exasperated.

" _Tell you_ that I no longer take Lyrium!" Cullen exclaimed. "I knew you had to have found out," he said in a softer voice. "It had to be why you… you…" he stopped himself, it seemed like he had been talking aloud rather than really speaking to her. "And you didn't trust me, instead you – "

"You're not taking Lyrium? But I thought Templars had to…" Trevelyan was startled at the revelation. She had known Templars all her life and she knew lyrium wasn't something you could just stop taking.

"I am a Templar no longer," Cullen said tersely.

"I know, but I didn't think you could stop even if you stopped being a Templar, isn't it a lifetime kind of deal?" Trevelyan tried to keep her voice calm, but she was remembering tales from the circle now, and she knew that Templars could die if they stopped taking lyrium. It had never happened to any of the Templars she'd known, but there had been rumours among the mages and Templars of her circle about it happening to disgraced Templars unable to obtain lyrium.

"Normally, yes, but –" Cullen stopped and eyed Trevelyan with renewed suspicion. "Do you mean to say you did not know I had stopped taking Lyrium?"

"No, how would I?"

"And Cassandra didn't tell you?"

"No, like I said, I had no idea."

"Oh," Cullen said, and he visibly calmed down.

There was a short silence. Cullen was staring at his desk, Trevelyan wasn't sure if she should leave, after all he hadn't meant to reveal this to her, but she had to discuss it.

"How long have you not taken it?"

"Since joining the Inquisition," Cullen said.

"And you didn't tell me?" it was Trevelyan's turn to be angry now.

"It wasn't of import."

"Yes it was! You stop taking Lyrium and don't – "

"I stopped before we'd even met," Cullen clarified.

"Yes, but you could have told me later! I thought we were – " Trevelyan stopped herself, suddenly a thought occurred to her. "Are you in pain?" she asked, genuinely concerned.

"Yes – no. It's not important."

"It is, I care – " she stopped herself again, "I care to know what's happening to my Commander," she corrected herself. "You're very important to the Inquisition, Cullen."

He looked at her, puzzled.

Before Cullen could say anything, Trevelyan said, "I know what can happen… to Templars who stop taking lyrium." Cullen either didn't know what she meant, or he hoped he could avoid discussing this. "I know it can be fatal," Trevelyan eventually said.

Cullen looked at his desk again, and Trevelyan wondered if there was something in it he was thinking of. "That isn't very likely," he said eventually. "It should not concern you."

Whether he meant that to mean it wasn't her business or that she shouldn't worry, Trevelyan didn't know, but it made her angry nonetheless. "Of course it should concern me! It should concern _you_!" Cullen looked startled by Trevelyan's outburst. Trevelyan shook her head, more at her own stupidity than Cullen's. "I just…," Trevelyan's voice was much softer now, "it just scares me that you would risk that," she said.

Cullen took a step forward and reached for Trevelyan with his hand, before dropping his arm to his side again. "I have someone watching me, it's under control."

"Cassandra I presume?"

"Yes."

"And she – " Trevelyan stopped herself, if Cullen trusted Cassandra with this, so should she. "Cullen, how does it feel now?"

"I can endure it," he said, and it didn't sound like she could ask him anything else about it.

They stood there in silence for a little while, neither of them sure of the new boundaries of their relationship as it stood now. It took a while before Cullen realised he still didn't have an answer to his original question.

"Why did you have people follow me?" he asked. He sounded calm this time, but his voice still held some tension.

"I… _we…_ that is the Inquisition, can't afford to lose you and I had reason to suspect you were, well, _are_ in danger." Trevelyan bit her lip, wondering whether there was a way to explain without revealing too much, but it was too late for that. Trevelyan sighed, this was not how she'd planned to tell him, but there was no way to keep the truth from him now. "I think you might be a target, I think you might have been who they were after at camp even, and that's why I asked Leliana to make sure you were safe."

"Why would I be a target above you? Surely if you believe these threats have infiltrated our ranks, _you_ would be their primary target?"

 _Well shit_ , Trevelyan thought to herself because there really, absolutely, was no avoiding it now. "I would, and I do," she said.

"But you just said – " Cullen shook his head. "If you believe yourself to be the target, why are you following me?"

Trevelyan took a deep breath, steeling herself for this next part. "That potion you took," she said and she could see his body tense up, this was a subject they'd done their best to avoid. "That was meant for me."

"That is not surprising."

"No, it is not. But you took it, it's just that whoever tried to get it to me, does not know this. Most likely they believe that I did take it and that everything that occurred…" Trevelyan paused, looking at the dummy in the room as if she hoped it could help her, "most likely they think my behaviour was caused by the potion and so they might try to use you against me, because it must have seemed like I… like we…" her voice trailed off. This was horrible.

"I don't quite understand," Cullen said, "surely they know the potion wouldn't work that long, if they were going to use the… _affection_ it causes against you, they would've done so already?"

She really would have to explain this to him. "The potion doesn't cause affection," she said. How was she going to word this? "They will believe it revealed where my affections lie and that is why you need to be guarded." She got it all out in a rush, hoping Cullen wouldn't realise what she was saying.

Cullen frowned at her. He looked away, into the distance, clearly thinking about the situation.

Trevelyan felt herself become more nervous and so she decided she needed to put some distance between them. "Look, Cullen, please just let them, it won't be forever." She tried to escape from the office, but ended up almost colliding with a messenger entering the room. Why was there always so much foot traffic in and out of this room?

"Yes thank you," Cullen said curtly, before the messenger could even say anything, he took the report from the man and then stared him down until the messenger, looking slightly intimidated, left the room again. Trevelyan tried to follow, but Cullen grabbed her arm and gently, but firmly, turned her back to face him. "What was the intended effect of the potion?" his eyes burned into hers and she wasn't sure why he was so intense in his questioning.

Trevelyan shook her head. "It isn't important, we got through it and now we have to – "

"Artemis," Cullen said, his voice demanding. The sound of him using her first name startled her, Cullen hadn't called Trevelyan by it since the day after the potion stopped worked on him. "Tell me," he said, his eyes still fixed on hers.

She bit her lip. "Dorian thinks it works by revealing your weakness."

"My weakness?" Cullen looked confused, she could practically see him replaying the scenes between them those days. Then his eyes grew wide. "How?" he asked, looking for confirmation.

"It shows what you… what you care about because someone's weakness… it is what – "

" – they would fight to protect," Cullen finished the thought. His hand let go of her arm as it slowly dawned on him what those days had meant. "Artemis," he said, "I – " but he didn't know what to say.

"I should go," Trevelyan said, "just let Leliana's people do their duties." She turned to leave the office.

"Please stay," Cullen said. Trevelyan froze, she wondered whether he realised when he had last said that to her. This time it sounded different.

"We never talked about what happened," Cullen said. "We should, considering the situation."

Trevelyan turned back around but didn't look at him. "I don't – "

"Because if you're saying they are targeting me to get to you, does that mean… do you…" Trevelyan looked up to see Cullen's face flush red. He seemed so unsure even though it should by now be clear to him what she felt. Was he really going to ask her to admit her feelings? Wasn't it obvious enough by now? But she was still the Inquisitor and he was the Commander and without that potion he would never risk it, would he?

"I keep wondering… about what happened between us, then…" he briefly looked at her. "And at the camp."

Trevelyan felt her heart pounding in her chest. At the same time she wanted to discuss what had happened, admit that she was madly in love with him, but she also wanted to flee the office.

"Cullen, I don't know what you want me to say."

"Artemis," Cullen said, he took a step towards her, there were mere inches between them now. He reached out for her, his hand coming to rest on her arm. "You stayed with me, that night. You hadn't taken the potion." He stroked her arm. "I thought you had stayed out of sympathy, but…" he paused, his eyes scanning her face.

"It wasn't out of sympathy," Artemis answered with a small voice.

Cullen cupped her face with his hands. "I know," he said and leaned in to kiss her. Artemis placed her hand on his chest to stop him.

"Cullen…"

"I still want this," he said, "even after I could feel it had stopped working, I still wanted… you." He seemed to know she needed this reassurance. "At first I was afraid there might still be lingering effects of the potion, I wanted to figure that out before..."

"But you never – "

"How could I? The future of Thedas rests on your shoulders, what if I caused you more anguish?"

"I thought you didn't – "

"I do," Cullen said and he leaned in to kiss her again.

Artemis stopped him again. "You think there could still be aftereffects from the potion?" she asked shocked. It felt incredibly cruel to her that she could never just trust his feelings.

Cullen shook his head. "I feared that yes, but not because of my feelings. I have felt for you since I carried you out of the snow in Haven."

"Haven? Then you're the one who found me?"

Cullen nodded. "I wasn't alone though. But I couldn't accept that you were lost. Too much was at stake and… and it was then I realised my feelings for you." Cullen met Artemis' eyes, then he looked at the floor. "I think, I think I'm in love with you."

Trevelyan felt her heart leap, she almost wanted to ask him to repeat it just to be sure he just said that.

"But you would never have acted on it?"

"Not without your permission."

"Or the potion."

Cullen chuckled. "I suppose."

"So what is different now?"

"Now," he said, pushing a lock of her hair behind her ear. "Now I know you care for me."

"You do?" Artemis sounded more surprised by that statement than she should.

"You believed the potion had shown your weakness to the world, the thing you care for, and you thought they would believe me to be that, because of the time we spent together, but you," he stroked her cheek, "you didn't have the potion in your blood."

"No," Artemis said softly. She smiled at him. "I was afraid you might realise that at some point."

Cullen smiled a crooked smile. "I did… eventually," and he kissed her.

The kiss started soft, tentative, as if this was their first kiss. Quickly it grew more intense, both of them pawing at each other's bodies, feeling the time between them as a loss. Artemis was fumbling with Cullen's impossible armour, and not getting anywhere, her hands eventually dug into the fur of his cloak and pulled him even closer against her. Cullen let out a low groan when he realised what she was trying to do. Taking her cue, Cullen undid the belt around his hips, his hands moved up, and without even breaking the kiss, he managed to get the cloak off, with it came the rest of the cloth draped around his armour.

Cullen's hands now moved to Artemis' body, his fingers undoing her shirt. Artemis' shirt was open in the front now, Cullen kissed her neck as he pushed her shirt over her shoulders, it dropped to the floor. Artemis briefly worried about a messenger coming in and seeing her like this, but she couldn't really care. Cullen met her lips again and she desperately wanted him pressed against her body, without all this metal separating them. Artemis moved her hands over Cullen's armour, she broke the kiss and whispered, "take it off." Cullen's hands fell away from her hips, where they'd been resting, and he quickly started to undress, the second the last piece of metal fell to the floor, Artemis grasped Cullen by his shirt and pulled him against her again, desperately kissing him.

Cullen wrapped his arms around Artemis and she started to pull on the hem of his shirt, Cullen obediently lifted his arms so she could get his shirt off. Artemis ran her hands over his naked chest, lightly scratching him with her nails, Cullen let out a whimper of pleasure. He grabbed her waist and pulled Artemis against him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and felt Cullen place his hands under her ass, before lifting her up in the air, Artemis wrapped her thighs around his hips. Cullen spun them around, lost his balance, stumbled and eventually crashed against the wall. Artemis' thighs were still wrapped around his hips as the clung to each other. "Cullen," she breathed. "Yes?" he replied, his voice low with desire. "I think I'm in love with you as well." Cullen's smile was broad and bright and it melted Artemis' heart. He quickly kissed her again.

Cullen broke the kiss off, he looked at Artemis, only wearing a breastband now, her shirt somewhere on the floor of his office. Artemis had slid down his legs slightly, he lifted her a little so her legs could wrap around his hips again, her arms remaining wrapped around his neck. Cullen leaned forward so he could kiss her neck, Artemis leant her head back against the wall, her erratic breathing and content little sounds making him more eager. Right now Cullen didn't care about anything but her, he didn't even care about how easily they could get caught.

Artemis' hands moved down Cullen's body, her nails running down his sides, making electricity rush through him. Cullen's breath caught; slowly Artemis' hands traced his hips, moving to meet each other in the middle, reaching between her own legs, she began to undo his breeches and Cullen answered by passionately kissing her. The feeling of having Artemis here, finally, having her be so willing to give in, this was a feeling that he had desperately missed without ever even realising he had wanted it.

" _nee-jee nee-jee nee-jee nee-jee nee-jee nee-jee nee-jee nee-jee nee-jee nee-jee nee-jee nee-jee nee-"_

The screeching sound that suddenly filled the small room was ear deafening. In reaction, and without meaning to, Cullen let go of Artemis to cover his ears, Artemis slid down the wall and covered her own ears as well. Artemis curled up and laid down on the floor. Cullen fell to his knees, struggling to gain control over himself, but the sound was too excruciating. Slowly he collapsed next to Artemis on the floor. He looked for her eyes, when Artemis finally looked at him, Cullen saw she looked terrified. Cullen tried to get up, fight, but he could hardly move. Artemis tried to move her hands from her ears, but Cullen could see it was too excruciating and she quickly covered them again. Their eyes met again and this time he could see a determent look on her face before she squeezed her eyes shut. Cullen could guess what she was going to do; he wanted to tell Artemis not to, but his voice was helpless against this horrible screeching that seemed to be physically pinning them against the floor.

Artemis quickly let go of her ears, made some kind of gesture Cullen didn't fully understand, causing a faint greenish light to circle around them. Cullen couldn't pay attention to it because he had his eyes fixed on Artemis' face, there was a small trail of blood coming from her ears. Cullen tried to yell, but nothing could be heard above the noise. Suddenly a strange white mist rushed from the faint green circle; it almost seemed like a tiny whirlwind and when it died down, the screeching had suddenly stopped.

Silence again.

Cullen immediately rushed over to Artemis, who'd now collapsed to the floor again. Her eyes were shut and Cullen felt his heart sink. He wasn't sure what had happened, or how Artemis had managed to stop the attack, but all that mattered now was Artemis' closed eyes and the blood coming from her ears. Cullen lifted Artemis in his arms, stroking her hair, whimpering her name, but her eyes wouldn't open.

"Artemis," Cullen said, "please." He felt terrified, why had he not been able to stop the attack? "Please," he whispered, stroking her face, kissing her forehead. Cullen reached for his cloak where it was lying on the floor, and draped it over Artemis' half-naked body. Slowly Cullen got up, lifting Artemis in his arms. He realised what this would look like, but he had to get her help. Cullen immediately thought of Solas, he had to be the most experienced mage in Skyhold and he had to know what had just happened and how to heal Artemis.

Carrying Artemis in his arms, Cullen opened the door of his office, wanting to use the walkway to get to Solas, but the second he opened the door, he was jumped. First there were black particles, ash it almost seemed, and then suddenly a small man, dressed in unmistakable Venatori dress. The Venatori assassin wasted no time, he lunged forward, twin blades flashing in the moonlight. Cullen managed to just miss the first blade by dropping to one knee. He let Artemis fall to the ground then moved to stand between her and the assassin. The assassin lunged forward again, Cullen dodged the second blade by quickly rolling his shoulder back.

Cullen was aware that the Venatori agent could still easily get to Artemis, but it was his instinct. Part of him remembered what Artemis had said about him being a target, but he wasn't planning on moving. Cullen had nothing he could use as a weapon, but he also knew he couldn't possibly get away without leaving Artemis behind.

The assassin disappeared again, only leaving the weird ash trace behind him. Cullen circled Artemis, looking for the next attack. from the corner of his eye he could see the black ash again and he spun around just in time to see the Venatori appear before him. Again the man tried to slash him, and Cullen now knew Artemis had been right, after all the assassin seemed to completely ignore the actual leader of the Inquisition lying unconscious on the floor before him.

Cullen dropped his right shoulder, narrowly escaping the assassin's blades a third time. For a second the assassin lost his balance because of the missed swing, Cullen quickly took advantage by stepping to the right and swiftly punching the man in the kidneys. The punches were hard and precise enough to make the assassin slightly double over, just for a moment. Cullen rush forward. He slammed his shoulder into the assassin. The assassin was caught off guard, but was quick enough to lash out with one of his blades and the tip of one of them scraped along Cullen's left arm, drawing blood. Cullen ignored the pain and kept pushing the assassin. The assassin's back slammed against the ledge of the walkway, Cullen's final push was forceful enough to make the assassin lose his balance and topple over the ledge.

Cullen felt relief wash over him, but it could only last a second, because from the corner of his eye Cullen could see a flash of ash again. A second assassin appeared on the other side of the walkway. Cullen wanted to attack, but after taking a single step towards the second Venatori, he suddenly felt weak. His vision dimming. His legs buckling under him. It wasn't long before Cullen was lying next to Artemis. _Poison_ , was all he could think, his head swimming in a dark pool, fear and anger mixing together. Cullen tried to get up, but his body could no longer move. Cullen now saw that the assassin was approaching him and Artemis.


	7. Chapter 7

Time seemed to go slow, and fast, and stop. Green. Orange. Hooded figure. A scout approaching. Cullen felt himself lifted from the ground. The Venatori agent was talking. Cullen struggled to focus. Artemis lying on the floor. No one looked at her. The scout carried Cullen back to the ledge. Green light circling around them. Then Cullen felt a jolt of pressure rising in his stomach as the scout stepped on the ledge and then off, into mid-air.

Cullen felt no pain from the fall, had they cast a barrier? Was it the poison? Cullen saw the bridge, the only real way out of Skyhold. No guards. The assassin landed next to them, still bathed in green light; he said something to the scout carrying Cullen before he lifted the body of his fellow assassin on his shoulders.

Cullen's eyes closed.

Blinking to focus, Cullen looked around the eerily deserted lower level of Skyhold. A third venatori agent came into view, he was leading three horses by the hand. Cullen recognised the saddles and knew they were the Inquisition's horses. How had they come to Skyhold then?

Cullen was lifted on a horse. Cullen struggled to stay awake, sometimes his eyes would close and when they opened he no longer knew how much time had passed. Looking every time he could, he searched for Artemis; he didn't see her anywhere.

His eyes closed again.

Cullen forced his eyes open again. Some time had passed. He could now see Skyhold in the distance, like when they had first been let to it. _Artemis_ … Cullen knew she wasn't with their group. She was still lying there on the connecting bridge. _Someone would find her_ , he told himself. Take her to Solas. _She would be all right._ The sound that had rendered her unconscious must have been meant to merely incapacitate, or the Venatori agents would've killed Cullen. Artemis had to be all right.

Cullen was bare-chested, his back exposed to the cool air, he could see it was beginning to snow but he couldn't feel it.

"…oak."

"atter?"

Artemis blinked but no one noticed. The conversation going on around her was incomprehensible to her, just sounds spoken by familiar voices. She blinked again and saw she was in her own bed. The voices were angry, it was a familiar situation; Artemis thought back to how it had been, waking up after the destruction of Haven, seeing the people she had needed to guide her bicker amongst themselves.

 _Cullen_ ,a sudden memory of him covering his ears popped up in Artemis' head, and then the feeling of being carried by him. It must have been her thinking of Haven that had reminded her of him telling her how he'd carried her out of the snow. Tonight (had it been this night, or had more time passed) they'd been attacked again. Was it just the two of them affected by that spell? Was Skyhold still safe? Artemis was in her own bed, but what was going on outside this room?

Her eyes still closed, she spoke: "What happened?" Artemis' voice was soft, too soft it seemed as no one answered, and she was about to try again, louder, but suddenly felt a hand on her forearm. Artemis opened her eyes to see Solas looking down at her. Behind him Cassandra and Leliana were looking at her and then at each other. Sera was standing further back, leaning against the wall, her eyes fixed on the floor.

"How are you feeling Inquisitor?" Solas asked.

"What happened?" Artemis repeated. She didn't want to directly ask what she really wanted to know, afraid of the answer she might get. Slowly she moved so she could sit upright in the bed.

"You were found unconscious," Solas said.

"Outside Cullen's office," Cassandra added, squinting her eyes.

 _So they hadn't attacked the rest of Skyhold._ Artemis looked around the room. She caught Cassandra's eye again, but Cassandra quickly looked away, her eyes briefly resting on something draped over a chair. _Cullen's cloak_. Despite the situation being grim, Artemis felt herself blushing as she remembered what – or rather what she was not- wearing when they found her.

Artemis' heart sank as it dawned on her that if Cullen's cloak was still here, in her room, he hadn't come to claim it, and he was someone who was always dressed in full armour. The only thing that gave her hope was that maybe he was still in bed as well, that the spell had knocked him out as well.

"Inquisitor," Leliana said, she moved a little forward, "we found Cullen's cloak with you and his armour inside his office, but we haven't found Cullen himself."

The way Leliana was asking her, or well, probing her, made Artemis think they weren't sure what had happened either. "We were attacked," Artemis said. "I tried to stop the attack… I don't know how well that went, I lost consciousness… but if you don't know where Cullen is –"

"They took him," Sera said. She was still looking at the floor. "I knew it wasn't good. When we found you." Sera angrily stared at Leliana's back.

Artemis started to feel restless, her mind already playing out every possible bad outcome to this situation. _They have Cullen._

"We suspected as much," Cassandra said. "There were no signs of a struggle, but finding you outside wearing –" Cassandra blushed slightly and looked away.

"How long have I been here? Have you tried to find Cullen? Was there really no sign of the attackers? Nothing?" Artemis was rattling. No one stopped her, but no one answered either.

"We're still looking," Cassandra said.

"We hoped you would have answers," Solas said.

Artemis felt angry, she'd been here – Maker knows how long – and they had been _waiting_? Her anger wasn't reasonable and she realised that, but it was easier to hold on to that than to admit what was a growing possibility in her mind.

A loud bang resounded through the room, followed by the sounds of quick steps up the stairs. Dorian's head appeared at the top of the stairs, he rushed over to the bed and for a second it looked like he was about to hug Artemis, but he stopped himself. "Decided to have a bit of a rest, did you?"

Artemis shrugged, "well, I thought the rest of you could handle saving the world on your own for a bit." She smiled briefly.

"So I am assuming it were the Venatori?" Dorian asked.

"Dorian," Cassandra almost sounded like she was reprimanding him, she fixed her eyes on Dorian, looking at him with suspicion.

" _Some people_ around here seem to be under the impression that the commander just went out for a stroll for the past two days and simply forgot to inform any of us." Dorian glanced at Cassandra who glared back. "I never said I thought he had walked off, I always suspected –"

"But _some_ of us realised this has to be connected to the previous attack on you." Dorian straightened his back and crossed his arms. "And to me the Venatori are the obvious culprits."

Artemis felt her chest tighten at Dorian's words. Of course she had thought the same thing, but this just seemed to confirm it. They weren't going to find Cullen, not alive or dead, not in Skyhold. That should comfort her, but Artemis realised that this had to have the same goal as the potion did, they intended to control her and now they could.

Every muscle felt sore. This of course was not a new experience, not to Cullen: between training and his tendency to work until he fell asleep at his desk, his muscles were pretty much continuously sore to some degree. Cullen tried stretching his arms and legs but found them restricted by chains. The room – or cell – around him was dark and cold, the little bit of light came from a hole in the roof. It reminded him of his bedroom in Skyhold. To think just last night (was it last night, or last week – time still felt strangely morphed to him) he'd imagined waking up in his bed next to Artemis. He'd felt happy.

There were voices outside the room, barely audible, Cullen held his breath, trying to make out what they were saying, but gave up when he realised that most likely they were speaking Tevene. Instead he tried to find something in the room, something to use, but there wasn't enough light. Cullen rolled onto his stomach and awkwardly pushed himself into a sitting position. Slowly he started pushing himself around the room, hoping to find something concealed by the darkness.

Cullen slowly made his way across the floor, his fingers brushing the floor, but finding nothing. He was making his way along the wall, legs stretched out to cove as much ground as possible, when suddenly something slammed into his back. Cullen realised it had been the door as the room was flooded with light and then fell dark again as the door slammed closed again because of the force it had hit Cullen with.

The light came flooding back in as someone, clearly cursing in Tevene, entered the room. Cullen was temporarily blinded by the light, but tried – rapidly blinking – to see anyway, to identify the person who'd entered. It was the man who'd been dressed as an Inquisition scout the day Cullen was taken. The man said something over his shoulder and two other men entered the room. They walked over to Cullen and flanked him. The man who'd been a scout gave them an order it seemed, because they pulled Cullen to his feet. Cullen's legs were chained at the ankles, so he was just hanging between the two men as they dragged him out of the room. Cullen considered fighting them but there seemed little point in exhausting his strength in a surely pointless struggle.

Cullen's feet were dragging across the stone floor of a long hallway, every door in it looking exactly the same as the previous one and none looked like they lead outside. The architecture of the building seemed familiar. _Ferelden maybe?_ But Cullen didn't feel confident in his ability to correctly identify architecture styles. There was no coat of arms visible or anything else that could identify where specifically he was. Not that Cullen had a plan for how to use that information even if he'd manage to acquire it; there was no way he could manage to get away from the men holding him while he was chained up like this. Still there would be a moment, a chance, at some point he could –

 _But what if there isn't,_ the thought was neither welcome nor helpful. There in the back of his mind memories were stored of the time he'd spent trapped in the circle. There wasn't always a chance to escape. Sometimes you had to be saved. And that was what Cullen feared above all else: helplessness.

The man not busy dragging Cullen around opened a door. There was nothing special about the door and looking over his shoulder Cullen couldn't even identify what door led to his cell. The room this door opened to was very large but seemed to be filled entirely with crates. Some of them were opened and empty, but most were still closed it seemed. Dragging Cullen around a wall of crates marked with strange symbols, the two men brought him to a small space made in the midst of all the crates. The men dropped Cullen to the floor, he landed on his side, a sharp pain exploding in his shoulder where it hit the stone floor. Cullen struggled until he was sitting on his knees, even though it hurt his chained feet to sit like this.

A mage appeared from behind one of the crate walls. She was carrying a large book, holding her fingers between the pages to keep her place. The mage briefly glanced at Cullen before saying something to the men, all three of them left and she opened the book. The mage started reading something from the book, chanting so softly it was hardly audible. Strange lights started to swirl around the woman and slowly they started moving towards Cullen. There was something very familiar about this whole scene. Cullen couldn't remember when he had seen something like this before, but he felt a tight sensation building in his chest, something about this or the memory of this… The lights surrounding Cullen expanded, knotted together until they formed a sphere of glowing light, sealing Cullen inside. And it was now that Cullen remembered when he had experienced this before.


	8. Chapter 8

Artemis had convinced everyone to leave her alone, claiming she wanted to rest, but in reality she wanted to discuss things she knew her advisors would not approve of, and they would be right not to. So instead she'd asked Solas to stay with her. Artemis didn't necessarily trust Solas more than the other people she worked with, but he seemed to still be more of an outsider to the group; Artemis hoped his apparent distance from the Inquisition and its members would make him more likely to not protest her plan. Artemis looked across the room at Solas, he was looking back at her. Solas seemed curious but didn't press Artemis, instead he was sitting on the sofa, patiently waiting for her to speak. Artemis didn't say anything until she was sure that no one was still in earshot.

"Solas, after we had that conversation in Haven… well, not _Haven_ , but – "

"In the Fade, yes, I remember," Solas said, slightly cocking his head.

"Yes. Well when we spoke after meeting in the Fade, you said I came and _found_ you. I never really considered what you said then or what it means, but…" Artemis pulled a hand through her hair and sighed. "If that's true, does that –" Artemis bit her lip, the question seemed ridiculous to her now. "Do you think I could find Cullen in the Fade?"

Solas frowned. "I am not certain. Your abilities are unique, I could not predict whether you could find him." Solas got up and walked over to the balcony. When he didn't immediately continued speaking, Artemis got out of the bed, and wrapping the blankets around her, followed him. "Solas?" she pressed.

"I had not expected you to find me in the Fade, even as a mage that is a feat I don't suspect many could repeat," Solas said. "I assume you mean to find the commander, to discover his location."

"Yes. Presumably if I find him in the Fade I should be able to tell where he is being held."

"A strange presumption," Solas said.

"Strange?" Artemis scanned Solas' face, he looked at her like she'd just suggested something infinitely silly. "I found you in the rotunda."

"Yes, because you expected to find me there. You must remember you did not realise you were dreaming at the time, your mind will have constructed the scene as you expected it to be," Solas explained patiently. "You also saw me in Haven, do you think I, or we, were really in Haven?"

"No," Artemis answered, feeling irritated. "But I still found you where you were, in the physical world first."

Solas chuckled. "You believe I have my bed placed in the rotunda then?"

A small gasp escaped Artemis' lips when she realised her mistake. Solas would've been asleep as well, it could have been a nap but as it was the middle of the night when she woke up it was much more likely he had been in bed. "No, probably not, not regularly at least."

Solas smiled. "No not regularly." He looked at Artemis and his expression became serious again. "If you do manage to find the commander in the Fade, you would not see his true location. I'm not sure what you would see. You might be able to ask him if he knows his location, but even if he does, it will be difficult to get the right answer. For most people recalling information, especially correctly, while dreaming is difficult."

Artemis sighed. "Wonderful."

"But perhaps there is another way I can help."

Artemis cocked her head.

"I have told you I often seek out old memories," Solas said. Artemis nodded. "I can't promise you we will find the information you are looking for, there will be conflicting accounts, _versions_ of the truth, but perhaps we will discover something that can point us to where they took the commander."

Artemis finally felt some of her fear subside, at least there was something she could do. "Thank you."

Solas looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"For being willing to help with this, even if it isn't part of the Inuisition's mission."

"Hmm, it might be," Solas replied. "Even if the others might not be willing to entertain the possibility. But of course I will help you with this quest, I respect you and even the commander." Solas smiled. "Besides, you have helped me with personal matters as well."

Artemis felt surprised by Solas' loyalty, or what felt like loyalty; Solas had always seemed, well, strangely distant from the Inquisition and its members, but maybe that had changed.

"Is there anything you need me to do?" Artemis asked.

"No, but I would suggest we wait until nightfall, if only to avoid prying eyes."

"Of course, tonight then."

"Yes Inquisitor," Solas said and he moved across the room, towards the stairs. "I suggest we use the commander's office as it will be vacant."

Artemis agreed and waited for the door to open and close behind Solas before sitting down at her desk, blankets still wrapped around her. She hoped they would be able to find Cullen, but she knew that even if they didn't, she would discover where he was sooner or later, because Cullen was taken for a reason. The Venatori would find her and leverage Cullen's freedom against… well, something bad. That was why Artemis was so desperate to find Cullen quickly, to free him before the venatori could use him against her and by extent against the Inquisition. Because Artemis knew that if given the chance to free Cullen, she would take it, even if it was offered by the Venatori.

Cullen realised what was happening, but even so, when the fade started to close in around him, he felt the panic rise again. It had taken him years to push it to the background, to get through most days without thinking of that time in the circle. After stopping Lyrium things had gotten worse than they'd been in years, but he found purpose in serving the Inquisition and this had helped him push through the worst days. But now… now it felt like he was 19 again. He kept telling himself that whatever he was about to see it wouldn't be real, but how would you know when things were real again? Cullen told himself he had gotten through this before, but he remembered what had become of him afterwards and he didn't want to go back to that.

The office was empty, the armour had been picked up and brought to Cullen's bedroom, except for the cloak, which Artemis still had in her room, she hadn't asked for it to be left there, but it hadn't been removed and part of her was thankful for that. The office now looked suspiciously tidy and clean, it was almost disturbing to Artemis because it almost looked like someone had tried to scrub the place clean of the commander's presence.

"Inquisitor," Solas entered the office.

Artemis glanced over her shoulder. "Solas," she replied. With a flick of her wrist she lit the candles in the room. Normally they would be lit until the early morning hours, when the commander would finally retire, now they hadn't been lit in days. Solas crossed the room and placed a couple of bottles on the desk.

Artemis stared at the bottles. She thought back to the conversation she'd had with Solas in the Fade. "Will I know it isn't real?" she asked. "Because I didn't realise before."

"I suspect so, this time it won't take you by surprise, you are now conscious of your decision to enter the Fade."

Artemis nodded, feeling slightly relieved. "All right then, let's begin."

Solas gestured at the bottles, urging Artemis to take one. "It will help you sleep more quickly and more deeply."

Artemis nodded. "There are two bottles, are you taking the other?"

"Yes, naturally."

"Does that mean I will see you in there?"

"Most likely."

Artemis nodded and reached for one of the bottles.

"But I can't say with any certainty whether we will stay there for the same amount of time."

"So the thing is to just both remember as much as we can?" Artemis picked up the small brown bottle.

Solas nodded.

"Well," Artemis said and she downed the potion.

"You should probably sit down," Solas said.

Artemis obliged, lowering herself to the floor and sitting down, back leaning against the wall. She looked around the floor, it was empty and suspiciously clean but she remembered lying on this floor and seeing Cullen there, tortured. If only she'd practiced her magic more, studied more, stayed with the circle longer… Or had more guards placed around the office. Artemis had known Cullen was in danger but she'd been so scared of how he'd react to her precautions.

Solas drank from the other bottle and sat down next to Artemis on the floor. "It should not take long for the potion to work."

"How long will we be asleep?"

"Impossible to predict."

"Well good thing I have cleared my schedule then," Artemis said, briefly smiling, "though I'm sure people will come looking for me soon enough."

"By then we will be too deeply emerged in sleep for them to wake us."

"That does not sound as reassuring as I imagine you think it does."

Solas chuckled. "I merely meant they can't stop you from pursuing this."

Artemis frowned, a small pang of guilt was bothering her, but she was glad to hear that even if someone found them now they couldn't stop her from looking for Cullen. Artemis wanted to reply to Solas' words, but she suddenly felt a heavy cloud sinking down on her, making her feel like her entire body was being pressed against the wall and the floor. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling, more overwhelming because it came on so suddenly. Artemis wanted to state that the potion was working, but of course she couldn't. Closing her eyes Artemis could feel herself drift off.

Artemis looked beautiful in the bright light of the afternoon. The fields were green again after a long winter and Cullen felt relieved to see the flowers blooming when he had believed them frozen and gone forever. Cullen had just finished fixing the hole in the roof and the rest of the afternoon could be spent in the sun. _Why then does this feel familiar and –_

"Cullen!" Artemis' voice rang out across the field, she waved her arms, gesturing for him to come join her and Cullen pushed the worrying thoughts from his mind as he rushed over to Artemis. She ran to meet him, and when they met he lifted her into his arms and kissed her. When Cullen put Artemis down again she was smiling at him and he realised he hadn't seen her smile much back when they were still in the Inquisition. _How long ago was that? Had it been years already? It felt like he was in his office in Skyhold just last week._

A sudden image of his armour spread on the floor of his old office popped into his mind, but it was quickly forgotten when he heard Artemis softly singing close to him, he looked over at her: she was plucking some flowers. Cullen walked over and crouched down beside her, he cupped her face with his hands and pulled her closer to kiss her. He could spend the rest of his life like this and be perfectly happy.


	9. Chapter 9

"Solas?" Artemis frantically looked around the small courtyard. Everything here felt so real, indistinguishable from reality, if she hadn't known she was in the Fade she could easily believe the potion had only knocked her out temporarily and she'd now awakened in the real Skyhold.

 _Where was Solas? Why hadn't they awakened in the same place as they fell asleep?_

"Solas?" she called out, noting how her own voice seemed to be the only sound in all of Skyhold, strange. It dawned on Artemis that Solas hadn't said that they could be certain they would see the event they wanted to see, or from the perspective they wanted. Skyhold was ancient, who knew how many memories they could visit here.

 _But the memory I'm seeing now must be recent_ , Artemis thought to herself because she could now see the Inquisition's heraldry on the walls of the fortress. She wondered if Solas had guided them to the right event. Perhaps he knew techniques he wasn't sharing with her.

"Inquisitor!" Solas appeared from the main doors of the fortress, behind him the great hall seemed to be completely dark. "Come, we must hurry," he gestured towards Cullen's office, Artemis could see nothing there but she assumed Solas had spotted something important. Rushing up the stairs, through the doors (the hall was dark, not a single fire lit), Artemis followed Solas through the rotunda. Solas opened the door to the walkway just in time for Artemis to see the door across from them open as well. It was one of the doors leading to Cullen's office.

Cullen pushed through the door, he was half-naked and carrying a half-naked woman in his arms. Artemis had trouble recognising herself at first, this being such an unfamiliar angle to see herself from. Her face was covered in blood, and there was blood on the cloak – Cullen's cloak was wrapped around her – more blood than she thought there could have been, considering she wasn't seriously injured. Artemis noticed there was blood on Cullen's chest as well, red streaks across his bare skin.

There was a sudden swirl of black ash in front of them and an assassin appeared, a blade in each hand. _Venatori_ , Artemis thought. Cullen dropped Artemis and she landed on the stone ground, hitting her head and causing a sound louder than actually possible. Blood started to pool around her head.

Artemis turned to Solas "I wasn't that badly wounded was I?" she asked, her hand automatically reaching for her head.

"No, you were not." Solas looked at the Artemis lying on the ground, a red halo framing her head. "You have to remember that this is not an objective place, it is built from memories, and memories are not always to be trusted."

Artemis looked back at the scene unfolding in from of them. Cullen was fighting the assassin. Cullen wasn't armed, instead he was simply trying to dodge the assassin's blades, Artemis wondered why he wasn't running for help or weapons, but then she realised why: Cullen didn't move because he was standing in between the assassin and Artemis lying unconscious on the ground, and he couldn't move without leaving her vulnerable to attack.

The assassin lunched forward, a blade stretched out, ready to strike. He leaped for Artemis' chest, but Cullen managed to step in between them, the blade missing him by mere inches. The assassin tried again, but Cullen shoved him, the assassin staggered. Cullen threw his weight against the smaller man, using his own body as a battering ram to get the assassin where he wanted him, up against the ledge. The assassin lost his balance and toppled over the ledge.

Cullen immediately rushed over to where Artemis was lying on the ground, dropping to his knees next to her, his hand reached out… But before he could touch her, check on her, another assassin appeared, seemingly coming out of thin air. The assassin swung his blades, the first one missing Cullen, the other barely scrapping his shoulder: a thin red line appeared on Cullen's flesh. Cullen tried to retaliate, but before he could reach the assassin Cullen collapsed. Artemis gasped, even though she should've expected something like this. Artemis' and Cullen's eyes simultaneously moved to the small cut on Cullen's shoulder, the red wound now turning green, spreading over his skin. The pool of blood around Artemis' head started to spread again as well.

"Poison," Solas said. Artemis nodded, but kept her eyes fixed on Cullen. She had to stop herself from walking over to him. She wouldn't be able to help him anyway, she doubted she could even interact with him at all, he was just a memory, an image of Cullen, no more the man himself than the reflection in a mirror. Still, she felt the urge to help him, real or not.

The second assassin lifted Cullen on his shoulder, walked over to the ledge of the walkway, climbed up the ledge and then confidently jumped from it. Artemis let out a small shriek, and rushed forward. Leaning over the ledge she could see Cullen and the assassin were unharmed by the drop and there suddenly seemed to be a scout with them. The scout's uniform was odd, where it would normally be green, this one was black.

Next to her Artemis saw Solas step up on the ledge himself. "What are you doing?" she exclaimed. Heights were not something she enjoyed. "Going down there," Solas answered. "By jumping?" Solas looked at her with a small smile. "It is the fastest way," he answered before stepping off the ledge. Artemis let out the smallest shriek.

She briefly glanced at the stairs, but her pride would not allow it. Instead she quickly threw her legs over the ledge and then pushed herself off it. Artemis landed on her feet without any effort or pain and found Solas looking at her, slightly bemused.

In front of her Cullen was being lifted onto a horse. The two Venatori agents were talking but it sounded like random sounds vaguely _resembling_ Tevene (Artemis knew a little Tevene), not _actual_ Tevene.

Suddenly the horse, the agents, and Cullen all disappeared.

"Where are they?" Artemis asked, looking at where they had just been.

"I suspect this is where the commander's memory stops," Solas said.

"You think this was Cullen's memory?"

"Certainly. It seems most likely."

"I agree," Artemis said. She looked up at Cullen's office. She wondered if maybe there was more to see.

Solas seemed to guess what she was thinking, because he answered her before she could speak: "I'm not sure we can return to the commander's memory." Solas pointed at the bridge that led out of Skyhold. It took Artemis a few seconds to see what he was pointing at: in the distance, at the far end of the bridge there were tiny figures struggling with each other. It was impossible to tell from here, but Artemis felt certain it were Venatori agents struggling with the Inquisition's agents who'd been guarding the bridge.

"We're looking at someone else's memory now," Artemis said.

Solas nodded.

There was a noise coming from above their heads. Artemis guessed the noise was coming from Cullen's office. "We have to get up there, see what we can discover," Artemis said before rushing for the stairs. Artemis felt like she was almost floating above the stairs with the speed she was using to rush up them.

Artemis basically threw herself through the door of the office. The office was empty, odd considering the noise was clearly coming from this empty room. Artemis looked around the room, it seemed cleaner, or _emptier_ than it normally was. Everything seemed slightly different than it normally looked. Solas entered the room. "Empty," he said surprised.

Something flashed above Artemis head. She jerked her head up and at the top of the ladder Artemis spotted something. Almost in the same second she did, two figures appeared in the room with her. Appearing out of thin air were herself and Cullen, both of them partially undressed as they were pushed up against the door. Artemis felt her cheeks flush and she desperately hoped Solas wouldn't say anything. Artemis couldn't help but look up at herself, curiosity getting the better of her. The scene was different from how she remembered it happening. And there was something scary about watching this couple. She and Cullen were kissing each other, but it looked… _mechanical_.

A flash of light filled the room and the two people stopped kissing and both fell to the floor. There was no noise, no thud as the two bodies crashed to the floor. Actually, there was no sound in the room whatsoever. Artemis remembered the screeching that had brought her to her knees, but it wasn't just that sound that was missing, there was absolutely no sound at all. She guessed that whoever was hiding in Cullen's bedroom – the person whose memory they were sharing – had used something to protect themselves from the debilitating sound.

The two people lying on the floor disappeared. Artemis was about to ask Solas where they were, but thought better of it as he wouldn't know that any more than she could. Instead Artemis opened the door to the walkway, hoping to find them there.

Some time seemed to have passed, as Artemis opened the door to find herself lying on the ground, and Cullen protecting her. Artemis and Solas went out onto the walkway. The assassin was moving around frantically, trying to cut Cullen. Artemis suddenly disappeared; the floor where her body had been was now empty. Cullen dodged the first few attacks of the assassin, but then the assassin managed to stab Cullen in the chest. The blade didn't cut deep but when the assassin pulled it out Cullen collapsed. Again Artemis felt the instinctive need to go over to Cullen, but she stopped herself. At any rate she couldn't have, as Cullen and the assassin now disappeared, once again Solas and Artemis were left alone.

Artemis rushed over to the ledge, her instinct was right as she spotted Cullen being lifted on a horse. This time there was no hesitation as she immediately jumped over the ledge. Artemis hoped to be in time to catch some of the Tevene she'd heard spoken before, Cullen's memory of it had been morphed by his inability to understand it, but she hoped this memory would hold the real words.

Again her instincts were right, the Venatori agents were speaking to each other and even though Artemis could hardly understand any of it, she did recognise it as being actual Tevene. The agents were discussing something to do with traveling and she was pretty sure one of them spoke of bandaging Cullen's wound, or at least something to do with healing him. Artemis felt some relieve at this, even though she had already known the Venatori would want to keep Cullen alive. Unfortunately that was all she could puzzle together. Her Tevene was weak at best and most things she did understand were useless. "Did you understand what they were saying?" Artemis asked, turning to Solas after the men left across the bridge.

"Some, yes, but nothing that would tell us where they have taken the commander. I do believe they intent to keep him alive however, but I believe we already knew that."

Artemis nodded. Looking around her Skyhold seemed empty, no signs of another memory starting. She felt her heart sink. _I haven't learnt anything yet,_ she thought, despair setting in. Artemis looked at Solas. "Do you think there will be more?"

"More memories? Impossible to say. There might be, but I cannot predict how long we will have to wait to see them. It takes a lot of effort to focus on a specific event, especially this one as it is small and short; it is easier to seek out memories that have a bigger impact on the world."

Artemis let out a frustrated breath. This had been her big hope, and now it seemed she had only wasted time. "How do we wake up?"

"You decide to."

"That simple?"

"Why, do you normally require more help from waking from dreams?"

Artemis pursed her lips. "Only if I have to wake before the dawn."

 _How do you decide to wake up?_ Artemis wondered. As she did, her head started to feel cloudy.

Artemis jolted upright. She was back in the physical world, she was still on the floor, as was Solas. Solas opened his eyes as well, his awakening looking a lot more peaceful than hers. Artemis felt grateful for Solas' help, but she couldn't help but frustrated with their failure.

Cullen found himself sitting on the edge of his bed, the day seemed to have flown by. Even though he couldn't think of a single thing he had done to fill the day. Except for fixing the roof. He seemed to always be fixing that roof. _But what else have I done?_

Cullen guessed this was just what happened when you retired to the country, you lost track of time. He couldn't say he would miss the life of a soldier. _But when did I stop being a soldier?_ _We must have stopped Corypheus, but…_ It seemed impossible, but at the moment he couldn't recall how they'd defeated Corypheus... Cullen shook his head. It wasn't important anyway, as he had decided to stop lingering on bad memories from the past.

 _Still, when did we fight him? How did we win? It seemed so desperate for so long._

Cullen looked around the room. It seemed… _empty,_ there was nothing there that was clearly his or Artemis'.

 _How did she get rid of the mark_ , Cullen suddenly wondered. _Did she get rid of it?_ He couldn't remember seeing it play up here like it had before. Un uneasy feeling started to settle over Cullen. He felt like he was standing on a ledge, staring down into an abyss, considering to jump, needing to see what was in it.

The door to the bedroom opened and Artemis entered. She looked stunning in a long white dress. She'd never worn dresses during their time in the Inquisition. Cullen shook his head, trying to clear it. Why did he keep focusing on that horrible time when he had everything he wanted right here. Artemis walked over to Cullen, she leaned down to kiss him. Cullen smiled up at her, the uneasy feeling gone. Now he felt content.


	10. Chapter 10

"Inquisitor," Solas entered the war room. Artemis didn't remember having ever seen him in there before, but as she had been holed up in this room since waking up, he would have to come here to speak to her. Artemis could guess what this would be about and she knew that no matter what Solas would say, she would not change her plan. She would ride out to find the Venatori, after all they had to be close, they were going to use Cullen against her, so they would have to be able to contact her.

"Yes, Solas," Artemis gestured for him to come in.

"You intent to find the commander," Solas said.

"Of course," Artemis replied.

"On your own."

"Perhaps."

Artemis had expected a reprimand, when it didn't follow she looked up. Solas was staring at the map, his hand rubbing his chin. Eventually he met her eyes. "They took the commander to leverage him against you, I presume."

Artemis felt herself blushing, Solas had seen what had happened in the office, which made trying to deny her connection to Cullen pointless. "Yes, I believe they did."

Solas nodded. "I have heard some strange rumours about… a potion."

"Of course you have," Artemis said, cursing the rumours going around the fortress.

"I'm not sure we could locate the commander, we have little information to go on."

"True," Artemis said. She sat down on the table. "Still, there is something I've been thinking about, something I saw… The Venatori agents only seemed to have horses to carry them but no baggage, nothing. Of course they could've hid more horses, or a cart even, outside of Skyhold, but would they risk that? Trying to slip into Skyhold unnoticed must have been difficult enough, we're surrounded by snow and on top of a mountain, even a small group like theirs would've been spotted and yet we heard nothing like that. Surely they would've kept the risk as small as possible. They also didn't bring an extra horse for Cullen, so either they will have to find a horse for him or they can't go very far without resting constantly. But I'm sure they wouldn't want to risk being spotted by anyone, not with an unconscious prisoner with them. I just feel they are either camped relatively near Skyhold, or their actual base isn't that far. Or maybe they are meeting a larger group?" Artemis sighed; she was rambling. "I know I am holding on to desperately little threads here, but I just think I might be able to find them if I ride out alone, I'll be faster and…"

"When Haven was attacked we left with a large group of people. You stayed behind, but we were walking out there, huddled together, and Corypheus' men didn't manage to find us. Or spot us leaving. I am certain he must have sent people after us, when he realised the battle at Haven was lost, he had destroyed the village but not the Inquisition and I am sure he must have sent people to complete his victory, but they failed to find us. Even though we were traveling out there for days," Solas said.

Artemis felt angry, she was angry with Solas but only because he pointed something out she should've realised on her own. "You mean to say I won't be able to find them if I ride out, even if I had left immediately after waking up."

Solas nodded. "If you still wish to try, I would suggest sending out one of the scouts. You should concentrate your efforts elsewhere."

"Elsewhere? Do you have a suggestion on how to find Cullen?"

Solas pursed his lips. "No."

"Oh, you mean concentrate on the Inquisition."

"Yes. If I find something that can help find the commander I will tell you, but right now I don't see what we can do."

Artemis shook her head. "You were willing to help before but now –"

"Now it would not be reasonable to try, we can't always decide based on desire," Solas' voice softened a little when he saw the expression on Artemis' face. "You helped me with my friend, I would help you with this if it were possible. I respect the commander – even if he is too quick to action at times – but I do not believe he would wish to see you risk the Inquisition for him."

"Fine," Artemis said, she pushed herself off the table and quickly left the room, before Solas could say anything else. Naturally she had no intention of listening to his advice.

Artemis headed for the great hall, she was going to her quarters, unsure what to do now but desperate to be alone. She knew she was being selfish, and that when she accepted the role of Inquisitor she had accepted the responsibility that came with that, but she wasn't willing to give up on Cullen. She remembered what she had seen in that future in Redcliffe, how he had tried to free her, she couldn't do any less.

"Inquisitor!"

Artemis swiftly turned around, feeling a little startled. Dorian was walking up to her with a quick pace. "Inquisitor," he repeated, "it seems I have finally caught you."

"Caught me?"

"Yes, for someone who is supposed to be resting in bed you have been oddly difficult to find." Dorian narrowed his eyes. "And I wager you're not on your way to get some rest right now either," Dorian said as he looked at Artemis' hand resting on the door to her quarters.

Artemis bit her lip. Normally she felt she could quite easily confide in Dorian, you couldn't really go through a hell only you two remember with someone without feeling close to them, but right now… what she was doing or wanted to do was incredibly selfish and Dorian wouldn't approve. He had come to a place where a lot of people hated him on sight, be it because he was Tevinter or a mage, to help fix the world and here Artemis was risking everything (because how could they fix the rifts without her mark) because she couldn't stand the idea of a world where she let Cullen die. They wouldn't kill Cullen before using him against her, but if she refused, if she kept refusing, she had no doubt they would kill him.

"Artemis," Dorian said after she remained quiet for too long. "This is about the commander, isn't it? You intend to find him."

"Yes," Artemis replied tersely.

"And your plan?"

Artemis shook her head. "I don't know, I tried… something, but it didn't work." She took a deep breath. "Dorian, I don't know how to find him, but I can't leave him with the Venatori."

"I think they will find you, that is why they took him after all."

"Yes, but if they do, if they find me before I find them, I will have to get him back on their terms. I don't know what they will ask but…"

"But you're afraid you will give in to them?" Dorian finished for her.

"I would rather not have to."

"I understand."

"I just don't know what to do now. The one thing I thought could help failed and short of riding out there trying to find the ones who took him…" She shook her head again. "I just wish there was some way to contact Cullen, to know he is all right and where he is being held, but I don't know of anything that can do that. The only way we had of finding people remotely in the Circle were phalacteries."

"I can't say I know of anything that could help either."

"I can't leave him there, Dorian."

"You did before, in Redcliffe, because you had to," Dorian cautiously added, "you might have to again."

Artemis' eyes flashed fire at him. "I only left him there because I knew he would be all right if we saved the future, same reason I let the others sacrifice themselves to let us escape. This is not the same situation."

"I'm afraid it is. Sure we are not dealing with time traveling Venatori right now, just the plain old boring kind, but you might still have to make a choice."

"Not that one."

"He did," Dorian said. "When he left you in Haven."

"Again, that was not the same kind of situation!"

"Wasn't it? Sacrificing one member of the Inquisition, no matter how important, for the sake of saving the others? Ensuring at the very least the chance of victory?"

Artemis turned away from Dorian and opened the door, she disappeared into the small hallway, but Dorian wasn't done talking to her and he followed her. "You do realise Cullen wouldn't want you to follow him?"

"And you do realise I don't tend to listen to Cullen's advice?" Artemis quickened her pace.

"Normally you'd probably be right not to, but –"

The door to Artemis' quarters slammed open, two scouts rushed into the hallway. Artemis was still running through possible explanations in her mind, when all possibilities shrunk down to a single one as a mage dressed in Tevinter attire appeared from her room. The man cast a spell and suddenly the space around Artemis and Dorian was filled with a new strange light. Artemis didn't recognise what spell it was. Her legs buckled out under her. Artemis looked over to Dorian just in time to see him crashing to the floor as well. Lying on her back now, Artemis tried to get up but found she couldn't move. By the looks of things, Dorian couldn't either.

The two men dressed as scouts moved forward.

"I feel we need to tighten the security around Skyhold," Dorian said. "I feel like lately every other day there is a stray Venatori agent wandering in here."

Artemis rolled her eyes, but secretly she was thankful for Dorian's humour in even the darkest moments. But why were they doing this? Couldn't they have taken her at the same time as Cullen if this had been their plan all along?

The two men approaching them were talking to each other, Artemis tried to figure out what they were discussing but she couldn't make out more than a few words.

"Ah of course, kill the Tevinter mage, afraid of a little competition?" Dorian said to the mage, who was still standing at a distance.

"What?" Artemis asked frantically.

"That seems to be their plan," Dorian said.

"Was that what they just said?"

"No, I was trying to entertain you." Dorian said sarcastically.

Artemis looked at the scouts approaching them, "listen, you are here to drag me to Maker knows where to make me do Maker knows what, right?" Neither the scouts nor the mage answered her, but Artemis felt certain they understood her as they were all frozen in place. "That's why you took Cullen – the Inquisition's commander – isn't it? But if you harm this mage I won't help you no matter what you threaten with." Artemis hoped it would be enough. She hoped they would fear her refusal to do what their masters wanted threatening enough to spare Dorian's life. "I won't do anything you ask of me if you kill him."

The scouts said something, looking directly at Dorian, aware he was the only one who understood Tevene fluently. Artemis looked over at Dorian as well. "What?" she asked impatiently.

"Oh nothing really, just the usual threats," Dorian replied, "but I don't think they will be murdering me, in Skyhold at any rate."

One of the scouts lifted Artemis, he threw her over his shoulder and she tried to turn her head to be able to see Dorian, she saw he was being carried by the other scout, the sight was almost comical, considering how much bigger Dorian was than the man carrying him. She felt some relieve because it didn't seem they still planned on killing him, but she hated that Dorian was being taken. She was willing to go with them herself, she would've given herself up if they hadn't immediately attacked. It was why she hadn't tried to scream for help, even though she wasn't sure anyone would hear her.

"Why must you always involve me in these dangerous missions?" Dorian said.

"Well you know me, I couldn't get anything done without you," Artemis said. She tried to meet Dorian's eyes but she could only see his legs.

Cullen had the strangest sensation while working on the hole in the roof, he felt he had fixed this before, or… Cullen shook his head. It was an old building, this home they'd chosen for themselves, he was fixing holes all the time, and once this was done he could spent the rest of the afternoon in the sun. _Like yesterday?_

"Cullen?" Artemis' voice rang out across the field and Cullen jumped off the ladder to rush over to her: he lifted her into his arms and kissed her. He set her back down on the ground and she danced across the field away from him. Cullen smiled. He looked around and suddenly realised he knew this place from when he was younger. Even though they had lived here for… He didn't remember how long they'd lived here, a while. Why then did it feel like he had only just realised they were close to where he used to play when he was a child…Near the horizon he could see the windmill he used to pass almost every day. _But wasn't that windmill destroyed during the blight?_ Cullen frowned. Maybe it was a different windmill, or they'd rebuilt. He could just go over there and look…

"Cullen? Are you done fixing the roof?" Artemis asked, she appeared from behind him.

"Ah," Cullen looked over his shoulder at the roof and the giant hole still in it. "Not yet, I'll get back to it right away, love," he kissed her again before walking back to the roof. He climbed back up the ladder and picked up his tools. It shouldn't take him too long, besides, he enjoyed having a clear goal, a sense of purpose. He glanced over his shoulder, hoping to spot Artemis, but she had disappeared again.


	11. Chapter 11

"Well this can't be a good sign," Dorian said as he kicked against a large bone. Artemis hoped it came from some kind of animal and not the previous occupant of this small cell they now shared. It had been dark in the cell, but two mages without staffs were still capable of magic and tiny lights were now hovering in the room to illuminate their despair. "Maybe we can craft it into a key," Dorian continued, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Artemis tried another spell on the door, there weren't a lot she knew or could handle without a staff but none seemed to do much of anything. Dorian had already said there were probably protections in place to stop them from using magic to escape, which made sense considering how much magic was used in Tevinter; protection against magic was probably needed in Tevinter more than anywhere else.

"You know, if you had only sought your romantic fulfilment outside of the Inquisition we could've been spared this horribly dank stint of co-habitation," Dorian said.

"Yes, because I am the only one getting romantically entangled with colleagues, hmm?" Artemis cocked her head.

Dorian looked at her without blinking. "I'm certain I don't know what you mean."

"Ah yes, because Iron Bull is the very picture of discretion."

"He told you?" Dorian exclaimed.

"I would call it bragging, actually."

"When?"

"A few weeks ago, we were drinking in the Herald's Rest, he was probing me about Cullen actually. Maybe he thought I'd open up to him if he told me about you."

Dorian let out a frustrated sigh. "Well, so much for discretion."

"Did you really expect that from Bull? I mean the man told me about every conquest of his in the Inquisition."

"I suppose I should have been prepared," Dorian took a deep breath, "to be honest I had other things on my mind."

"I bet." Artemis smiled.

"Please don't mock me."

"I'm not mocking you. Why would I? If you're happy together…"

"I'm not sure we are together, I'm not certain what we are actually."

"What would you want it to be?" Artemis asked.

"I… I'm not sure to be honest," Dorian crossed his arms. "What about you and the commander?" He raised his eyebrows. "Clearly something happened the night he disappeared." A crooked smile appeared on his face.

"I suppose that is another rumour going around Skyhold?"

"You mean the one where the Inquisitor is found unconscious, dressed in only the commander's cloak? Yes, that one is quite popular," Dorian flashed a crooked grin.

"I wasn't naked under that cloak!"

"You are in the rumours."

Artemis threw her hands in the air. "Who knew armies were so gossipy?"

"So, are you and the commander finally _entangled_?" Dorian probed.

Artemis sighed. "Who knows, I mean something did happen, _clearly_ , but I don't even know if he'd be willing –"

Dorian's sudden burst of laughter stopped her from speaking. "You aren't sure if he'd be willing? After the past weeks? What do you need, an actual proposal?"

"I just mean, he's so… disciplined, I'm not sure he'd be willing to be so unprofessional."

"Falling in love is unprofessional?"

"You know what I mean."

"Yes I do, I also know you are being silly. I have seen you two interact over the past, well, since joining the Inquisition really, and I can tell you that man loves you. I felt you were the one resisting these past weeks. He seemed _very_ willing."

Artemis smiled a little. She was happy to hear someone else say they thought Cullen would want to be with her even if she was Inquisitor. "All this is a moot point of course, unless we manage to get away from here _with Cullen_."

"Well, considering our past successes it seems foolish to bet against us."

Artemis laughed a little.

There was a noise outside the cell and then the door opened. A tall and lanky looking mage entered. She was wearing a strange armour Artemis had never before, it looked like it had magic embedded into it, strange lights seem to flicker around it. The staff she carried ended in two battling dragons. Her long black hair was elaborately braided, a single coloured thread running through the braid.

"You are Inquisitor Trevelyan," the mage stated. Artemis didn't respond. "I am Olcinia Synnoda," the mage said. She took a step forward. Olcinia glanced at Dorian, she must know he was Tevinter as well, but she didn't speak to him. "Would you follow me?" she asked Artemis and gestured towards the door. Artemis looked at Dorian, who nodded at her, Artemis nodded back and followed Olcinia out of the room. Despite Dorian's approval, Artemis still felt uncomfortable walking through the door and leaving him alone. 

* * *

Cullen was sitting in the sun. By all accounts this was a perfect day, but he couldn't relax. In the back of his mind a small nagging worry existed. There was something familiar about this feeling he felt washing over him every day he woke up. _When did he wake up?_ He couldn't really picture waking up in this small home he was always repairing. This feeling of contentment, a warmth washing over him, why did he distrust it so? Was it just that a life of being dragged into one battle after another had made him incapable of sitting in the sun and just enjoying its warmth? _Why was this so familiar?_ Cullen looked into the distance, they were so close to where he spent his youth, he could walk to the house he grew up in, but he never did, did he? He was always here.

Artemis was nowhere to be seen. Strange that Cullen would end up spending his life with a mage. Not what he imagined when he entered a circle for the first time. Mages had scared him a little, but he had wanted to help them. Especially Solona Amell. Now he could smile at the thought that his first big crush was on the woman who'd later become 'the Hero of Ferelden', but for the longest time he'd only felt guilt over what he had said to her after she'd _freed him in the circle…_

Cullen felt a tight sensation build in his chest, the feeling you got when you read a report knowing it was bad news. He looked around the fields and the small house. _This isn't –_

"Cullen!" Artemis appeared from behind him. "Look what I found!" Cullen got up and smiled, immediately taken in by her enthusiasm and forgetting his worries.


	12. Chapter 12

Olcinia and Artemis were walking down the hall alone. Artemis did briefly wonder why Olcinia hadn't taken any of the other Venatori agents with her, but she guessed Olcinia was simply confident in the hold they now had over Artemis.

Olcinia led her to a large room, it felt cramped because of all the things stored there. There were strange statues, some broken, put away to one side of the room, along the other walls were tables, stacked chairs and pieces of broken furniture. And everywhere there were large stacks of crates. This room looked a lot more run down than the rest of the castle, at least the parts Artemis had seen. There was something else odd about the space as well, a strange vibration seemed to hang in the air.

Olcinia and Artemis were alone in the room. "Trevelyan, we would like you to open the breach again," Olcinia said.

Artemis looked flabbergasted. "You think I can do that?" she almost laughed. "Last time someone managed to do that they caused an explosion that levelled a temple and… and that was Corypheus!"

"Yes, but you have the mark now. The mark he wanted. It would've given him control over the veil, control you have now."

"Me closing a few rifts is not the same thing as him ripping the veil apart!"

"You have opened them as well," Olcinia said.

"Not out of thin air, and even if I had that's not the same thing as tearing the veil down. The breach was meant to tear the whole veil down not open a large rift." Artemis sighed. This was what they wanted her to do? "Why would it even help you to have me open the breach again?"

"Corypheus wants the mark, but it is attached to you now, if we still accomplish what he wanted with the mark, finding a way to remove it from your hand will be irrelevant."

"I assume you were supposed to find a way to transfer the mark to Corypheus, but because you couldn't find a way you thought you would just make me do what he wants to with the mark? I'm not even sure if he would be glad of it if you managed it." Artemis looked at Olcinia and wondered whether this was just a last desperate attempt to accomplish an impossible task given to her by an unforgiving master. Did Corypheus even realise what his agent planned to do?

"I think he will be more angry if I fail completely," Olcinia said through clenched teeth.

Artemis shook her head. It was a ludicrous plan. Artemis looked around the cramped space. "You want me to try in here? If by some miracle this plan of yours succeeds, the whole building would be raised to the ground."

"I know, I have no intention of opening another breach in here. I brought you to this room because I presumed you would demand to see your commander before you would be willing to open the breach."

 _Commander_? _Cullen_. Artemis' felt her heart leap in her chest, frantically she looked around the room. The damn crates were obstructing a lot of the view. Olcinia caught Artemis' eye and gestured for her to make her way to the middle of the room. Artemis did, silently, weaving through the walls of crates, heart pounding in her chest. She couldn't hear anything, even though she knew they wouldn't have killed Cullen, she still felt a nervous sweat forming on her back.

Artemis noticed the strange light before she could see anything else, slowly he approached what she thought was the source of the light. The edge of a large bubble came into her field of view, and then… Cullen. His eyes were shut, but he was sitting on his knees as if he were wide awake, but it was clear he wasn't actually aware of anything around him. Artemis rushed forward, even though she knew she couldn't do anything. Without a staff she wasn't sure she could even bring the barrier down, let alone fight her way out of this. There was no way she could escape with Cullen as he was now and there was also Dorian to consider.

Artemis kneeled down next to the barrier. "Cullen," she whispered. Nothing happened, Artemis had hardly expected it to. She looked at Cullen, he was still bare chested, his feet were bare as well, there were small cuts and scrapes across his naked skin and a few bruises as well. His arms and legs were shackled. Artemis got back to her feet.

Olcinia had made no direct threats, not needed to because they both knew what was at stake. Artemis also realised there was no point in making demands involving Cullen right now. But maybe she could help Dorian.

"I want you to free Dorian, before I even try to do what you want," Artemis said.

"The other mage?" Olcinia said. She seemed to consider the request for a little while, then nodded. "Only with the understanding that if he warns the Inquisition where you are –"

"Dorian wouldn't do that, he knows what's at stake and he knows I… he wouldn't risk it."

"All right," Olcinia said. "Let's go outside then."

"Outside?"

"To open the breach," Olcinia said.

"Yes, but I want to see Dorian leave."

Olcinia nodded and left the room, secure in her knowledge that Artemis would wait for her.

Artemis remained next to the barrier, looking at Cullen until Olcinia returned. Artemis reached out her hand, it hovered above the barrier and for a short moment she considered trying to take the barrier down. But she didn't want to risk Dorian's release, besides, Artemis knew she couldn't tear it down. She simply wasn't powerful enough without her staff.

"Cullen," she said with an understandable amount of uncertainty. "I'm sorry I kept so much from you when I should've trusted you. I suppose I also felt guilty for letting it go so far, while you were under the influence of that potion and I didn't want to face my own guilt over my actions. Or face how deep my feelings for you truly run." Artemis looked around her, as if scared to get caught in the middle of her confession. "I've made this mess even messier because I wasn't honest with you." Artemis shook her head. "So much trouble could've been avoided if I'd just admitted to you and to myself that I… I love you."

The sound of a heavy door being opened and closed startled Artemis. Olcinia had returned, and his time she wasn't alone. "I'm beginning to understand why people hate my homeland so much," Dorian said as he was dragged into view by a short but very broad man. Then he spotted the barrier and Cullen. Dorian gasped. "Commander?" He looked at Cullen, but naturally there was no reaction. Dorian then looked at Artemis. "Are you all right?" he asked. Artemis nodded.

"Are _you_ all right?" Artemis asked Dorian in return.

"Naturally, I had been needing a little break from the Inquisition."

Artemis smiled. "They're going to let you go," she told Dorian. "As long as you don't tell the others where I am."

"Simple enough, because I don't know where we are." Dorian looked at the barrier. "And you are staying here," he said, his voice almost an accusation.

"I'm sorry," Artemis said.

Dorian pursed his lips. Before he could speak he was being dragged away by the short man. Dorian struggled against the man's grip. "Will you let me speak first." The man stilled for a moment. "Thank you," Dorian tried to free his arm but the man wouldn't let him. "Artemis, please be careful. I don't know what they're asking you to do but I assume it will be dangerous, considering the company you're in. Please remember the commander wouldn't want anything they might ask you to do done in his name."

"I'm not doing it for him, I'm doing it for me." Artemis tried to smile. "I'll be fine Dorian, please just go back to Skyhold, but don't tell them what happened, not yet."

"Artemis," Dorian said sternly.

"Dorian," Artemis mimicked his tone.

"Remember you always have a choice. I know you… _care_ for the commander, but he wouldn't want you to risk the Inquisition for him. He would want you to fight."

The short man pulled on Dorian's arm and it seemed he wouldn't grant them any more time together.

"Goodbye Dorian," Artemis said.

The short man was now pulling Dorian along with him. "I expect to see you at Varric's next Wicked Grace evening," Dorian said before he was dragged out of view.

Artemis turned around to look at Cullen again, trapped in that bubble of light she couldn't penetrate. Dorian was right, Cullen would want her to fight. Even if that meant risking them both.

* * *

Whenever he was here alone, Cullen felt like the whole place seemed different somehow. The peace he had felt here before was troubled now. Except when Artemis was with him, and lately she had been at his side more often than she usually was. When she was with him, there was no place he'd rather be, but left alone, his mind would become restless and Cullen found himself worrying about the strangest things. Things like why he couldn't remember their wedding unless Artemis told him about it, or how the weather seem to never really change around here, it was always that kind of sunny weather with a nice cold breeze in the air – exactly the kind of weather he preferred. But what unsettled Cullen most was how often he found himself thinking about the time he had to be saved from the tower, and how his mind couldn't stop trying to connect this life he had now to what had happened to him back then.

These worries crept into his mind during the day, but thankfully only when he was alone, and he could always seek out Artemis to find solace in her.


	13. Chapter 13

Artemis was being dragged down a long hallway. She tried to walk, but the two men, whose hands were clasped around her arms, were going too fast and she kept stumbling. She knew where they were taking her, outside, where Olcinia wanted Artemis to tear down the veil, or open the breach, or… what _did_ she expect her to do? What did she think would happen to them if Artemis did manage to unlock the full force of the mark? Clearly Olcinia was terrified of Corypheus, if she wanted to test this plan before telling Corypheus that she even had Artemis. Or maybe she had told him? _I have to get us out of here_ , Artemis thought, picturing Cullen trapped in that barrier. If she could tear that down – and she could if she found a staff – and if she could wake him up… At least then they'd stand a chance.

The two men let go of her and stopped walking so abruptly, that Artemis tumbled to the floor. The men were struggling with opening the massive doors leading to the courtyard (or so Artemis guessed). The small door in front of Artemis was open a little. She could see another room and in it she could see a familiar green shimmer. Artemis had seen this before, it was a rift, just not quite open yet, but she could open it, like Solas had once told her to do.

Before her rational mind could talk her out of it, Artemis got to her feet, and pushed herself through the half-opened door. Behind her she could already hear the surprised, and angry, yelps of the men guarding her. This could be the stupidest thing she had done as an Inquisitor, but Dorian was right, Cullen wouldn't want her to give in, he'd want her to fight. Artemis stretched her left arm out in front of her and rushed at the shimmering light, with a roaring sound rippling through the air, the rift opened and without any hesitation Artemis jumped in.

* * *

"Arg!" Artemis landed on a sharp rocky ground. Pain shot up her right arm, rubbing her sore shoulder she got back up. "This is the Fade?" The whole world around her seemed lost in green mist, rocky terrain with scattered broken down architecture. Here and there she could see objects like books or chairs; things that you wouldn't expect in the Fade. _What would you expect in the Fade?_ This was different than her harrowing, this was real, and no spirit was trying to tempt her. _Could they even do that if she was physically here? Could they show her things that weren't real?_

Slowly Artemis started walking, she remembered what Solas had told her when they had looked for memories of Cullen's abduction, he said intention mattered in the Fade, and if she focused on Cullen she would find him. So she tried to focus her mind on Cullen, and forget how terrified she was. How was she going to get out of here? And when she found Cullen, what would she see?

Artemis slowly made her way down the path, ignoring the spirits she saw drifting by her, and the strange little scenes she saw. _What are they_ , she wondered, looking at a dinner table with two broken plates and a vase of wilted flowers. Artemis cursed herself for not having spoken to Solas and Cole more, maybe then she wouldn't feel so lost here.

Right when Artemis felt like she was starting to despair, she saw something odd, below her, on a large plain of empty rock there was a small cottage, and there was someone working on the roof it seemed. From up here she couldn't tell for certain who it was, but it did look like a blond man, and her heart leapt at even the chance –

Artemis started running down the path to the small cottage. The closer she got, the more convinced she became that it had to be him. "Cullen!" she started yelling as soon as she thought he might hear her. "Cullen!" The man on the ladder looked over his shoulder… it was him! It was Cullen! Artemis ran even faster, finding strength in knowing she had found him.

Cullen slowly descended the ladder and walked over to her, until a woman stopped him. From behind Artemis could only see the woman had red hair like hers, and Cullen clearly knew her as he kissed her and put his arm around her. Artemis had no time to process the feeling of hurt that washed over her at the sight, because the woman now turned in Cullen's arms to face her and Artemis found herself looking into her own face.

Obviously this had to be a demon keeping Cullen trapped here. It had to be, right? There was nothing else here but spirits, demons and these strange little scenes. _Did spirits, or demons, shape the Fade and everything in it? Was that why there was a cottage here, and why Artemis saw the demon as herself and not its true form?_

She had no time to think about these things, she needed to get Cullen out of here. Slowly she approached him, "Cullen, it's me," she stretched out her hand to him. There was no recognition in his face; he didn't see her as her, or recognise her as being Artemis. "You are in the Fade, we have to get out of here, I know this sounds absurd, but please, I can explain when we're back at Skyhold."

"Skyhold?" Cullen asked surprised.

"Yes, our – our home."

"I haven't seen Skyhold in years," Cullen said, but there was a frown on his face now. "Not for…" he seemed to be trying to remember something. He was about to say something else, but the demon who looked like Artemis distracted him. "Cullen, who is this woman, why won't she leave?" the other Artemis asked with a whimpering voice Artemis was certain she had never used in her life.

"Cullen, I'm Artemis, and you have to come with me," she pleaded, "I don't know who this is, but she's not me, she's not real, I think – I think she is a demon."

Cullen's expression grew dark as he took a step forward. "I think you should leave."

"Cullen –" Artemis suddenly noticed there was a weapons belt on the ground, with a sword attached. She was certain it hadn't been there before; was this an extension of the idea that the Fade was shaped by intention? Because if that were true, and she could focus on what she needed to fight the demon…

"Cullen…" the demon's voice drawled as she stroked his arm.

Artemis felt anger bubbling up inside her, this demon was using her to keep him here, his feelings for her were trapping him in the Fade! Of course that also meant his feelings were deep enough and real enough to keep him here. It meant that whatever Cullen felt for her wasn't just the remnants of that stupid potion, it meant he really did care for her.

Artemis smiled despite the situation. "Cullen," she briefly touched his arm, but he recoiled at her touch. From the corner of her eye, Artemis noticed a staff lying on the ground. But whether that had been her doing or part of the demon's illusion (after all if it pretended to be Artemis it needed a staff to do so), she couldn't tell, but she felt grateful anyway.

"Cullen, please believe me, this isn't real, but I am, we are," Artemis tried again, but Cullen's expression didn't change.

 _He doesn't believe me or recognise me_ , Artemis thought desperately. Cullen grabbed his belt and drew his sword. _He is going to attack me?_ She knew he couldn't know it was her, he wouldn't attack her if he realised she was real, and not the demon he must think her. Artemis looked at the demon who had taken her form, she was smiling at her. This was strange and horrible. This trap they'd created for Cullen, they'd used her to imprison him, and now he wanted to kill Artemis to protect this life with her. This whole place looked so peaceful and she could understand not wanting to wake up from it.

Artemis quickly grabbed the staff, but didn't raise it at Cullen. Cullen briskly walked up to her and raised his sword up to her neck. "Leave," he hissed. Artemis shook her head. "Cullen, I can't leave without you. I came for you, to _free you_ , if you would only think –"

"Stop lying!" Cullen drew his arm back, and swung his sword at her. Artemis quickly raised the staff in front of her; Cullen's sword clashed against the staff just between her hands.

"Cullen, please!" Artemis exclaimed. She cast a barrier around herself. "I don't want to fight, not you, please!"

Cullen looked at her, his icy gaze showing her he didn't care because he didn't believe her. He lunged at her, the point of the sword thrusting in her direction. Artemis quickly stepped to the side, twisting her torso to miss the blade by a few inches, causing Cullen to lose his balance for just a moment. _What would happen to me if I died in here?_

"Cullen, stop!" Cullen recovered and swung his sword at her head. Artemis caught the blow with her staff again, this time putting force behind it to whack the blade away from her. Cullen immediately swung at her again, turning on his feet to add more power behind the blow. This time the sword came from above Artemis' head. Just in time she dropped to one knee, giving her time to twist the staff above her head. The sound of metal on metal as Cullen's sword was caught by the blade on the staff. Artemis pushed back against the blade, Cullen's sword sliding down it, and with one final push she manage to heave the blade and by extension Cullen back enough for her to quickly cast a spell.

Large white ice crystals formed at Cullen's feet, crawling up his body, freezing him in place. Artemis let out a sigh of relieve at the momentary retrieve. "Cullen, listen to me, please, you have been here before. Spirits have tried to tempt you before. Think back to the circle," she pleaded. "All this," she waved her arms around, "it isn't real, it is only here to keep you here and I, it, the demon or spirit looking like me, like Artemis, is only here to ensure you stay here. Because the Venatori want you here. To get to me, to get to the Inquisition. Because they know they can use you against me," she sighed, "the same way they have used me against you."

Cullen's resolve seemed to falter, but only for a moment. The look in his eyes hardened again and the ice around his body disappeared. Artemis didn't know if this was something he could do because he had been a Templar, or just something he could do here in the Fade.

"Cullen, please," she was almost crying now, feeling desperate to reach him and scared to fight him.

Cullen was free now and he didn't pause for a single moment before rushing at her again. He let out a battle cry, his sword raised. Artemis raised her staff. She held the staff's blade out in front of her, her staff was much longer than a sword and she looked like she was carrying a lance and they were about to joust.

"Please Cullen! I care for you; I don't want to hurt you!" Cullen stepped to the side, trying to flank her to avoid the blade. Artemis let him before suddenly turning on her heels, swiftly turning on her axe, stretching out her arms to lengthen the reach of her staff. Cullen tried to avoid the blade now being swung at him but he was too late and Artemis felt the blade scraping across Cullen's shoulder. At first he seemed angry, letting out a cry of pain as Artemis let out a gasp of guilt. But the expression on his face changed. He lifted his hand, touching the shoulder, his brow furrowed before he let out a small gasp. His sword fell to the ground.

"Cullen?" Artemis asked hopeful. Cullen looked up at her and for the smallest moment she thought she saw recognition there.

But then she heard her own voice calling out to him, from behind him. He turned to look at the demon who'd stolen her face. The imposter said Cullen's name again, a small tremor of fear audible in the voice. When Cullen turned back to focus on Artemis, she knew she'd lost him again. He swiftly picked up his sword and ran at her, Artemis quickly cast a barrier of fire between them, but Cullen just leaped over the flames. She was so stunned she almost failed to spot his next swing at her head. Artemis smacked the sword away, using her staff again, she tried to hit him with the blunt end of the staff, but Cullen expertly darted around her clumsy attempts.

She didn't want to cast another spell at him, not just because Cullen might counter it as before but also because she feared the damage it might do. Instead Artemis thrust the staff at Cullen's head, he bended over backwards so the swing passed just over his head. Artemis had hoped for this as his head was now twisted away enough that he didn't spot her quickly twirling the staff so the other half rammed against his lower legs hard enough to knock his legs right out from under him.

Cullen crashed to the ground and Artemis leaped on top of him, his sword had fallen from his hand and she quickly grabbed it, bringing the edge up to his neck. He was trapped under her, his heated face framed by the rocky ground around them. Cullen didn't move, the blade had already nicked the skin of his neck, the blade being exceptionally sharp. Artemis hated it, but she couldn't let him get up, he could beat her, he easily could, because she didn't want to risk his life and he was fighting for hers.

"Please just let me talk, please just listen and consider," she pleaded. Cullen's expression didn't change. "Think about how you got here. To this perfect little place. How did you find this house, when did you find it? When did the Inquisition end?" Cullen showed no reaction and Artemis felt her despair grow. She shook her head, "you have none of these memories because they never happened. We are still fighting Corypheus. We need you. _I_ need you to remember. The fight is not over yet." Cullen clenched his jaw and looked at her defiantly. "How can you forget me so easily!" she accused. "This isn't real, this whole place is just the Fade lying to you! Do you want to know what I see? A small house in the middle of a rocky terrain. And I see a demon who looks like me. Everything you see is designed to keep you here." Cullen still seemed unconvinced.

Artemis started to cry, she desperately wanted not to, but she felt she had lost the battle. "I need you to remember and come back with me." She wiped away her tears, and in doing so she didn't look at Cullen, she took her eyes off him for just a second, but he took the chance and grabbed the arm she used to hold the sword, pushing it up so he sword was away from his neck, with his other hand he wrangled the sword from her grip and took it. Using his body he pushed her off him, Artemis landed on her back, Cullen quickly pinned her to the ground, his legs framing her hips on both sides. Cullen brought the blade to Artemis' neck.

Artemis knew she should fight, she could still cast a spell, but she was so tired. Tears rolled down her cheeks and landed on the ground. "You don't have to lose me, if you stop fighting for this place you won't lose me," she said softly. "Please, I need you to remember me." Cullen didn't respond in any way. "Even if it is just before you kill me, please remember that I – I love you." Artemis closed her eyes, waiting for the final blow. When instead she felt the blade lifted from her neck, she opened her eyes to find Cullen looking down at her, his brow furrowed. Hoping he was finally remembering, she repeated herself. "I love you, I have for longer than I should admit." Artemis wasn't sure if she was saying it in the hopes of making him see reason or just because she wanted him to know.

A look of surprise crept across Cullen's face. "You love me?" he asked finally.

"Of course, why else would I have come here?"

Cullen threw the sword away and dipped his head so he could kiss her, a long, lingering kiss. Cullen got up and stretched out his hand to Artemis, she took it and he pulled her up. "You love me," he repeated, smiling at himself.

"I do," Artemis said, smiling back shyly. Cullen laughed heartily and lifted her into his arms, he kissed her passionately and put her back down, his eyes scanned her face and his fingers playing with a loose strand of hair. "You're real," he said, looking at her eyes. "And you love me," he smiled, and gave her a quick kiss again. "Artemis, I – "

And just like that Cullen was gone. He just disappeared, in front of her eyes, the second he realised this wasn't real. Artemis hoped that meant he was back with his body, and that he was safe, but she had no time to consider it further. The demon now realised what had happened and was rushing at Artemis. Artemis grabbed the staff off the ground and shot flames at the demon. She wielded the staff with the confidence she had earned fighting with it for the Inquisition and it didn't take her long to defeat it. Artemis looked around the small area and slowly the cottage and a few other random object started to fade away, green mist whisked away by the wind.

A little farther away she could see a disturbance in the air, a strange ripple of dark blue, and she felt this had to be a rift, and it had to be her way out of here and back to Cullen.


	14. Chapter 14

Artemis smacked against the stone floor, her escape through the rift was far less graceful than she would've liked, and pain shot through her left shoulder from where it had hit the ground. Artemis looked around her, she had landed in the middle of a giant hallway, but she didn't recognise it. To her great relief she saw the staff had come through the rift with her. At least she had escaped the Fade, again, something she had once thought impossible, but her relieve was not long lived, her mind immediately went to Cullen, he had to be conscious again, but still trapped in that barrier. What would they do to him if they found him like that? When they realised their hold on her was gone?

Artemis started running down the hallway, she had no idea where in the castle she was, but she would find him. Artemis threw open every door she passed, but none of the rooms seemed familiar. "Cullen!" Artemis called out before realising it wasn't exactly smart to draw attention to yourself, but she didn't care, she had always been an aggressive fighter and she would defeat anyone trying to stop her now. The Circle had taught her battle magic and she had been a natural at it.

"Aah!" Artemis yelped when two arms suddenly locked around her waist, from behind her. She rammed her right elbow into the unknown assailant's chest. A loud groan followed by the arms around her waist loosening their grip, just enough so Artemis could pull free. Artemis quickly turned around, the blade of her staff raised, ready to cut, but then she saw the man who'd attacked her, he was very young, not even 20 yet, and Artemis lowered her staff, the pang of painful memory, her own brother, stilling her hand. The young man saw her hesitation and used it to his advantage, he rushed at her, pulling a dagger from his belt. Artemis jumped out of the way an quickly cast a spell, freezing the man in place, but she still couldn't bring herself to kill the young man.

Artemis quickly got away, running down the hall, around the bend and finally she spotted something familiar. "I've been to this part of the castle before…" she said under her breath, turning on her heels. "The door should be… yes!" Artemis spotted the familiar door. She quickly rushed over and burst through the door, too desperate to find Cullen to think about being quiet, something she had never been all that good at anyway.

Artemis quickly made her way between the crates until she reached… "Cullen!" but there was nothing there. _No one there._ "Cullen?" she repeated, her voice unsteady. She frantically ran between the crates, looking even though she knew she wouldn't find him.

"Argh!" Artemis yelled in frustration, shoving at one of the crate walls, causing a few of the top crates to come crashing down. She had been so close! She had done so much! She'd betrayed her duty to get him and now they had him anyway!

Artemis' display of frustration had not gone unnoticed, and she could hear boots rushing at her location. She thought of running, but her anger burned inside her chest and instead she tightened her grip around her staff, feeling almost eager to fight whoever was coming for her.

"Olcinia," Artemis said when the mage rounded the corner, followed by two men.

Olcinia looked surprised, her eyes flashing between Artemis, then at the empty space before her. Olcinia turned to face her men, "find where she's hidden the commander!"

 _She doesn't know where Cullen is_ , Artemis realised. But how was that possible? Cullen had been trapped by that barrier, even after waking up he would not have been able to tear the barrier down, only a talented mage could have.

"But…" one of the men started. Olcinia turned around and snapped at him, "get out!" Olcinia took her staff from her back. Artemis realised she could try to run now, but she didn't want to. Instead she quickly cast a barrier around herself, prepared to fight.

Olcinia threw a fireball at Artemis, it hit the barrier, weakening it but not damaging it enough to hurt Artemis herself. Artemis swiftly returned the gesture, her own fireball nearly hitting Olcinia, who jumped out of the way just in time. The two mages locked eyes, and simultaneously, as if they meant to synchronise their attacks, they tried to freeze the other in place, both managing to deflect the spell, both trying again. Artemis threw a fire mine, Olcinia shot lighting at Artemis. Fire, ice, lightning, all missing their targets.

Artemis – in her frustration – tried to come at Olcinia with the blade of her staff, but Olcinia quickly threw up a wall of fire and Artemis jumped back, feeling the heat hit her like a brick. Artemis managed to make the wall of fire die down by casting a blizzard around them. Olcinia seemed more effected by the cold than Artemis was, and Artemis took the chance to drop to one knee, bringing her staff down against Olcinia's sheens, knocking her legs out from under her. Olcinia came crashing down against the floor. Artemis quickly got back to her feet and lifting her staff high above her, the blade hanging above Olcinia's chest, she felt none of the hesitation she had felt before..

"Oww!" Artemis collapsed to her knees. A blinding bright spot of pain on her back felled her before she could bring the blade down. Pain veining through her, a lightning strike of agony crippling her. Artemis collapsed to the floor, gasping for air, trying to think, but the pain was too overwhelming. Her vision was quickly becoming blurry now. Artemis struggled against it, trying to see what had happened. Blotted colours, slowly forming shapes. A young man. The young man she had seen before, holding a dagger in his hand, covered in her blood. Artemis felt darkness swallowing the world around her. Above her she could hear snippets of orders being called out. Olcinia's voice, "…we need her!"

The darkness took hold and Artemis lost consciousness. Just for a moment. When she opened her eyes again she could see flashes of silver cloth. The pattern… she recognised it, she had gotten it for him. _Dorian._

Her vision darkened again.

Flashes of lightning, then purple light.

Yelling… desperate voices… her name.

"Artemis! Wake up!" she recognised the voice. _How did he get free?_

"Take her!" Dorian's voice called to Cullen's voice.

Artemis felt a hand brush against her cheek. "Artemis, wake up, please wake up."

Artemis forced herself to open her eyes, everything was blurry, but slowly his face came into focus. "Cullen," she said, her voice hardly audible, but he had heard, she knew he had because she could see relief spread across his face. And then he dipped his head to give her a quick kiss on the lips. Straightening himself again, he looked surprised by his own action.

Artemis felt Cullen's arms move around her and then he was lifting her, carrying her in his arms. She let her head fall against his chest, she wanted to sleep, but his voice kept calling to her to stay awake. Part of her worried for Dorian, but she couldn't find the strength to say anything. And then the darkness took her again.

* * *

When Artemis woke, the two men were arguing, but they seemed unaware she had woken up. Artemis could still feel Cullen's arms around her, but they were sitting down now. Artemis felt the cold ground against her legs and the heat of a fire against her face. Where were they? What had happened?

"We have to keep her awake, commander!" Dorian's voice rang out.

"I'm trying! Maybe if you would just heal her –"

"There's nothing more I can do, I stopped the bleeding, but they used poison."

"Poison? Like what they used on me?"

"No, this is… different." There was something in Dorian's voice, something he didn't want to tell Cullen and Artemis felt her blood run cold.

"Different how?" Cullen demanded, but there was an undercurrent of fear present in his voice.

"We have to get her to Skyhold," Dorian said, ignoring the question, "Solas might know what to do. I hate to admit it but he does know a great deal of advanced magic."

"And if he does not?" Cullen asked, his voice angry and tense.

Dorian was quiet for a little while, long enough for Artemis to realise what was happening to her. "Her odds… they're not good. If Solas can't help her, I'm not certain there's anything we can do," Dorian's voice was soft. Artemis felt Cullen's arms tighten around her. Scared as she was, following Dorian's statement, she felt relief knowing Cullen at least seemed to be all right, they had not managed to hurt him.

"Cullen?" Artemis' voice was barely a whisper, but Cullen heard her.

"Artemis?" his voice filled with relief. Cullen cupped her face, his hand was freezing, hardly surprising as he seemed to be wearing nothing but a thin shirt and a cloak. "Stay awake, you have to stay awake," he said, fingers stroking her cheek.

"How?" Artemis looked at Dorian, she felt the darkness pull on her again.

"I decided you were being an idiot," Dorian said. "Thankfully at least one of us has a strategic mind."

"Thank you," Artemis said, understanding Dorian's meaning.

"And thank you, you woke the commander up just in time, spared me having to drag the man around."

"Thank you" Artemis said again, her head lulling back as she slipped into unconsciousness for just a few moments. She was eventually woken by Cullen's voice.

"We cannot wait until nightfall, we have to go now," Cullen's voice said. Artemis blinked, tried to see where they were, they were in a small cave, outside it was light, but what time of day it was was impossible to make out.

"I agree," Dorian said and Artemis could see him get up. She could feel Cullen lifting her again, before she lost consciousness again.

* * *

When Artemis opened her eyes again she could feel the warmth of a body pressed against hers, Cullen's familiar scent filled her head. She realised they were on a horse, she was sitting backwards and a leather belt strapped her to Cullen, her head bobbing against his chest, the cloak he had been wearing was now wrapped around her, and she could feel his body reeling slightly in the cold air. It was only now that she realised Cullen was softly talking to her, even though he had to think she was still unconscious.

"…I remember the first time I saw you, you took my breath away, but you were a prisoner and then you were the Herald and then you were the Inquisitor," Cullen laughed softly, "and I just thought… I never thought you would want…"

Artemis shook her head in an attempt to clear her foggy mind, wanting to speak to him. Cullen noticed her movement. "Artemis? You're awake! Thank the Maker!"

"We're close!" Dorian called out from somewhere in front of them. Artemis could only see the snowy landscape behind them. "I can see the bridge," Cullen said to Artemis, his hands brushing her hair. "We're almost home." Artemis tried to respond, but she felt exhausted. "Just stay with me," Cullen voice was soft, barely audible now, or perhaps it was the encroaching darkness that made it sound so far away.

* * *

"Hmm," Artemis squirmed in the warm bed. She opened her eyes, and no wonder she was so hot: there were several heavy blankets covering her and draped on top of them was Cullen's cloak, the fur itchy against her nose. Artemis started to struggle, trying to free herself from the mess of blankets covering her.

"Inquisitor, it is good to see you awake," Solas' voice came from across the room. Artemis blinked, surprised to see the elf sitting on her sofa, reading in a book. He wasn't alone.

"Solas? Dorian?" she asked confused.

"Artemis!" Dorian rushed over to the side of the bed. "Are you… all right?"

"I'm fine, just dizzy," Artemis looked over at Solas. "I presume, I have you to thank for me being, well, still here."

Solas nodded his head.

"Apparently wondering the woods alone does wonders for your magical abilities," Dorian said. "I'm not sure it's a sacrifice I'd be willing to make."

"You knew how to heal me?" Artemis asked Solas.

"I knew what we could try, you made it work," Solas said.

"Thank you," Artemis said.

Solas got up from the couch. "You're very welcome, Inquisitor. I'll leave you to rest then," Solas said, before leaving the room, he glanced at something at the feet of her bed, Artemis couldn't see what Solas had been looking at.

"Why are you here," Artemis asked Dorian. "Not that I don't enjoy your company, but two mages watching me sleep seems a bit gratuitous."

"The poison they used on you, it was very potent, it..." Dorian's voice was serious enough to make Artemis realise how close a call it had truly been.

"We took turns watching you," Dorian said. "Well, most of us took turns, others were more dedicated," Dorian added. Artemis followed his eyes to the floor at the feet of the bed. She pushed herself up so she could look over the edge of the bed. There was a bedroll there, and on it was Cullen, sleeping. Artemis smiled, a warmth spread through her chest. Artemis eyes moved back to Dorian, who was grinning at her.

"I'll leave you to it then," Dorian glanced at Cullen.

"Dorian?" Artemis called out just before he descended the stairs.

"Yes?"

"Thank you, for everything," she said.

"Naturally," Dorian said, bowing his head.

The door closed behind Dorian. Artemis pushed the blankets off her and climbed out of the large bed. The only thing she was wearing was a large shirt she was pretty sure she had never seen before. Artemis idly wondered who had undressed her, but her mind was preoccupied with other thoughts.

Artemis knelt down next to Cullen. She smiled, looking at his sleeping form, she felt flutters in her stomach, somehow, even after everything they had gone through, she still felt nervous around him, nervous at the thought of fully admitting how she felt. Artemis placed her hands on Cullen's shoulder, and gently shook him, waking him.

"Hmm," Cullen's voice hummed as he rolled over to lie on his back. He was wearing the same shirt he'd had on when they fled the castle. Cullen stretched his arms and legs. Artemis reached out, and gently brushed her fingers against his cheek. Cullen slowly opened his eyes. When he saw her, his eyes widened and he shot up. "Artemis!" his hands grasped her shoulders. "You're awake! You're all right!" His hands on her arms, pulling her into a kiss, then abruptly letting go as he broke the kiss. Cullen's face flushed red and he lowered his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said.

Artemis let out a little laugh, "sorry for what?" she shook her head. Cullen smiled in response. He reached out to brush his fingers against her cheek, then tracing up to push a lock of hair out of her face. "You could have…" he whispered. Artemis covered his hand with her own. "But I didn't." She laced her fingers through his. "And you didn't," she smiled with genuine relief. But then she remembered…

"What's wrong?" Cullen asked, his voice filled with worry.

Artemis shook her head, "they used me, to do that to you. I can only imagine what it must have been like… to have to go through that again."

Cullen lowered his eyes.

Artemis felt her heart break, knowing they'd broken this, whatever had been between them, they had broken it when they took him, trapped him. Artemis moved to get up, but Cullen's hands stopped her. "I do not blame you, you realise that, right?"

"I didn't think you would, I just think it will have… I think you won't be able to look at me from now on, without remembering the parts of your life you want to move on from."

"No," Cullen insisted, he took her hands in his. "I lo –" his cheeks turned even redder. "You came for me, it was you who made me realise where I was, who woke me up. That is what I will remember."

Artemis' heart felt a little lighter. "What was it," she eventually asked, "that made you realise it wasn't real?"

"You –" Cullen looked troubled. "I mean the demon, she didn't stop me. I was about to kill you and she didn't stop me. I remember reading what happened to that demon you and Solas tried to help. You did not let Solas kill those mages because they weren't a threat, so why were you letting me kill this woman who had stopped fighting? Cullen paused. "And then realising you had come to find me, it seemed… I was unsure if it could truly be you, if you would come for me, but I wanted it to be real, more than what the Fade was showing me."

"Oh," Artemis said, her face flushing red now.

"But never do that again," Cullen said, his voice suddenly commanding.

"What?"

"Risk yourself for me! You're the Inquisitor, and… I don't want to..."

"I'm afraid that's one thing I won't take your advice on," Artemis said.

"I'm being serious."

"You're always serious," Artemis teased. "I would always come for you," her voice more serious now.

"As I would for you," Cullen said.

Their eyes met, just briefly before they both looked away, feeling nervous despite everything that had already been said.

"Is Dorian all right?" Artemis asked to break the silence.

"He's fine," Cullen said. "I should probably tell the others that you have recovered," Cullen moved to get up, but Artemis stopped him. "I'm sure Dorian will tell everyone I'm fine, among other things."

"Right," Cullen said and sat back down on the bedroll.

"Cullen, what happened to the Venatori, at the castle?" Artemis asked.

"We sent men, once we reached Skyhold, but there was no one there, they had all fled."

"Great," Artemis let out an exasperated breath.

"I've already posted extra men, but it seems doubtful that the Venatori will try the same thing twice. We're not in any greater danger than we normally are…" Cullen chuckled softly. "I'm sorry, I'm trying to make you feel better, but I'm not very good at it, am I?"

"You're doing just fine," Artemis said.

Cullen fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. "Did you mean it?" he asked after a short silence.

"What? That I would come for you? Of course I –"

"No," Cullen stopped her, "what you said in the Fade? When you said you –" he rubbed the back of his neck.

Artemis realised what he had wanted to ask. She swallowed hard. She had never been good with expressing how she felt, unless what she felt was anger, and Cullen wasn't very good at it either. It seemed a miracle they had gotten this far. But wouldn't it all slip away if Artemis didn't find the courage to speak now?

"I did, I do," Artemis said. Cullen's eyes shot up, he smiled at her. Artemis reached out and cupped his face, "I love you, Cullen."

"I love you too," Cullen said and he pulled her in close. They were just inches apart now, Cullen's eyes met hers and he smiled again before kissing her. His soft lips pressed against hers, slowly parting, deepening the kiss. Artemis felt heat pool in her stomach as Cullen pulled her even closer, and she automatically climbed on his lap. Cullen's arms locked around her waist as Artemis' fingers snaked through his hair.

Cullen broke the kiss off. "I should probably let you rest."

"Don't you dare leave," Artemis warned.

Cullen laughed, moved his arms under her and stood up, lifting her with him. Cullen gently put her down on the bed. "You really should try to rest a little more," he said.

Artemis crawled back under the blankets, pushing all but one off the bed, keeping Cullen's cloak on top. "Fine, but stay with me, please."

"Of course," Cullen smiled and after kicking off his breeches, and pulling off his shirt, he crawled into the bed next to her. Artemis quickly threw off the shirt she was wearing and snuggled against Cullen's bare chest. Artemis buried her head in his chest, and Cullen mindlessly brushed her hair with his fingers as if they had been this close for years.

"Cullen?" Artemis started.

"Hmm, yes?"

"When we wake up, want to get a drink at the Herald's Rest, or is it still too soon?"

Cullen laughed. "You know, it actually turned out pretty well for me, last time."

Artemis moved in his arms, feeling the heat of his body envelop her, pull her toward sleep. "As it did for me," she said. Cullen kissed the top of her head. "I loved you from the very start," he whispered against her skin.

"And I loved you from the very start," Artemis answered, her voice almost inaudible as she was already drifting off to sleep.


End file.
